


A dream is a wish your heart makes

by ReignMyWorld



Category: Professional Wrestling, Roman Reigns - Fandom, WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment
Genre: Angst, Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Harry Potter AU, Hogwarts AU, Hurt, Roman Reigns Fluff, Roman Reigns smut, Smut, roman reigns angst, roman reigns comfort, roman reigns hurt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-16
Updated: 2019-03-15
Packaged: 2019-11-18 19:00:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18125204
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ReignMyWorld/pseuds/ReignMyWorld
Summary: Roman Reigns, the new Defense Against Dark Arts professor at Hogwarts. You, one of the smartest students of the Hogwarts University, in your last year… You didn’t think that you could ever dislike a professor more than Severus Snape and yet here he was, Roman Reigns. You couldn’t stand him just like he couldn’t stand you. However, you are forced to question whether you really disliked him as much as you thought when your best friend gave you a special gift for your birthday -  a glass ball that’s supposed to treasure your heart’s desire. As you realized what your heart desired the most, it left you in shock and no one, especially not Roman, was allowed to see it. But what happens when you lose it and it ends up in the wrong hands?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Note: Please note that this series takes place in a Harry Potter respectively Hogwarts AU, so you will stumble over names like Snape or Dumbledore but without much storyline to them. 
> 
> Warnings: Hogwarts AU, Harry Potter AU, mention of “smut”
> 
> Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader
> 
> Originally published here: https://reignmyworld.tumblr.com/post/171977331201/a-dream-is-a-wish-your-heart-makes-part-1-roman

You took a step down the stairs, taking a deep breath. It felt so good to be back and to be reunited with your friends again. It felt unreal but this indeed was the last time you would get off the Hogwarts express. You still remembered when Hogwarts was called “School of Witchcraft and Wizardry” only before they expanded, making it possible for wizards and witches to also study there. This happened just in time when you finished school and were desperate to stay. As soon as it was announced that it would be called “School and University of Witchcraft and Wizardry” from then on, you felt a deep emotion of joy, being able to stay even longer. And now you were already facing your last year of studying before you would head to the Ministry of Magic, starting your work as an auror there. 

You were making your way up to the castle together with your friends, talking about anything you had done during your summer break. Some of them were traveling abroad, some were just having fun with their friends and you… well you decided to stay at home for the most part of it, preparing for your exams and dreaming yourself into distant worlds with your most favorite books. It was a beautiful sunny day and walking seemed to be the perfect start into the new and last year of study for you. You were greeting a lot of people as you were liked by the majority of students and professors quite alike. You couldn’t tell whether it was because you usually were easy going and polite or whether you didn’t refuse help no matter who needed it. But whatever it was, you enjoyed it the way it was. 

As soon as you reached the castle and went through its gates, heading right for the Great Hall, you couldn’t help but feel a little melancholy but were convinced nevertheless to make the best out of your last year here. Sure the threat hadn’t decreased for you and your loved ones with Voldemort’s return and the increase of death eaters everywhere, but that’s just what life was. You had to accept it with its good and its bad aspects. And you knew that you would be missing every single person here once you were done – be it student or professor, even Snape, whom you managed to get along with somehow. “Anyone but one person”, you thought as you sat down at one of the tables in the Great Hall with your friends, waiting for your luggage to magically arrive in your sleeping dorm. Being a student definitely had its advantages since – contrary to your school days - you didn’t have to sleep in a dorm with several other kids but you were able to share a room with your best friend, giving you some privacy that became more and more important the older you got. 

As you let your eyes wander, you automatically grimaced as you saw the one person you couldn’t get along with, sitting at the teacher’s table, his head buried in a book, ignoring everything around him. “Seems like Reigns starts another year alone”, one of your friends chuckled with another one responding: “Sure. As if anyone would be crazy enough to seek his presence.” The whole table was laughing as you remained silent, not telling them that you indeed were crazy enough. It was not that you were majorly attracted to him although he was attractive. It was more that you felt sorry for him from the very beginning on as there were a lot of rumors surrounding him and his family. Everyone avoided him and it was just part of your nature that you wanted to reach out to people that seemed to be lonely. You remembered it as if it was yesterday when he was introduced to your class as the new Defense Against Dark Arts professor three years ago. He was only a couple of years older than the people in your class, giving him a rather tough stand from the very beginning. But his whole appearance was enough to make people respect and dislike him quite alike. You always thought that no one could ever be more hated than Snape but you were wrong.

**_*Flashback*_ **

You listened carefully as Dumbledore introduced your new DADA professor, having to admit to yourself that he probably would have caught anyone’s attention if he just wanted to. He was tall and built like a rock, dressed completely in black, the trousers as well as the long sleeved shirt only letting one assume the muscles that must be hiding under his clothes. It looked as if there was ink on his wrist but you couldn’t say for sure. He looked toned, his hair pitch black that he wore in a pony tail, his eyes almost as black as his hair. He looked not only mysterious but also dangerous, his expression was the one of a man who knew how to kill and who hadn’t a problem doing so. Dumbledore introduced him as Roman Reigns and as soon as your classmates heard his name, there was an increase of noises among them. You once again realized that you must have missed something really important, being born to and raised by muggles. You could see how he was glancing at everyone in the class, locking eyes with them as if to say that he was the person in charge and the rest had to do whatever he would tell them to. You were not completely sure but as he was locking eyes with you, you thought that you saw a hint of sadness flickering in his eyes before he turned his attention to the next student. His voice was deep and soothing as he started the lesson. 

As soon as it was over and you were leaving the lecture hall, your best friend saying: “I can’t believe that Dumbledore lets someone from this family lecture here. Especially him.” You could see how furious she was, as you wanted to know: “Why what is wrong with him?” Y/BFF/N looked at you as if you were insane before she remembered how and where you grew up. “You haven’t heard about him or his family, have you?”, she wanted to know with you shaking your head. While you were heading back to your dorm, she explained: “The Reigns are known to be loyal supporters of You know Who. They are just like the Malfoys. Purebloods, rich, through and through dark. His father was around when he rose, he was one of the first death eaters to be named, staying loyal after his defeat. Now with You know Who’s return they are getting stronger again. Our new prof is rumored to be a high fave of You know Who as he was always set to be his right hand one day. I bet he’s hiding the dark mark, that must be inked on his right arm and that he’s one of You know Who’s most loyal. He is dangerous, even deadly and I can’t understand how Dumbledore can be so dumb to let him lecture us in DADA.”

You listened closely to what she was saying, crooking an eyebrow, wanting to know:” Wait… You tell me that there are rumors surrounding him and you just believe them? How about figuring out for yourself whether they are true or not?” She gave you a pitiful look as she answered: “Y/N, you should really stop believing that there is a good in every person. This can be dangerous. Just believe me, when I’m telling you that he is absolutely dangerous and all of us should stay away from him as far as possible.” You listened to her advice but decided to ignore it. You were not a fan of rumors, not at all, but were all for making your own opinion about the people you had to deal with. 

Just weeks later you had to admit that your friend was right. Not necessarily with him being dangerous, but with it being better if you stayed away from him. You tried to talk to him once or twice after his lessons, asking him on his opinion of Dark Arts related topics that you have read about. This only resulted in him staring you down and telling you that you shouldn’t deal with things you know nothing about. Since those occasions you seemed to be his personal target when he decided he needed to blame someone if something went wrong, asking you questions that you could impossibly answer, making you seem like you were a complete idiot while you were actually one of the brightest, if not the brightest, student in your class. And for that you hated him. You wanted to be nothing but nice to him while he treated you like you were scum of society – which you probably were to him, given that people of his status called people like you mudblood. You had your troubles with Snape once as well but you somehow proved to him that you were extraordinary and although he probably didn’t like you, he nevertheless treated you with respect. Reigns on the other hand showed you more than obvious that he couldn’t stand you. And it didn’t take long until this feeling was mutual.

**_*Currently*_ **

You didn’t even realize that you were staring at him while you were trapped in your memories. As soon as you snapped out of your thoughts you were aware of that. And you were also aware of the fact that he had stopped reading in his book, staring back at you, raising his eyebrow in question. You cursed yourself before you turned your attention back to your friends, feeling extremely dumb about the whole situation. Luckily your friends hadn’t noticed your faux pas but you were sure that you could still feel his eyes on you. Approximately an hour later all of the students were welcomed back to Hogwarts, your home away from home. You really had missed the delicious food and the presence of your friends although your mood was clouded a little bit thinking that you had to spend your year in Reigns’ lectures. 

As soon as you were done, you and your friend headed up to your dorm, where she searched for something in her suitcase before she handed you a little box wrapped in a beautiful paper, as she exclaimed: “Happy belated birthday to my most favorite person in this world.” You had to laugh as your birthday was quite a while ago, but you nevertheless appreciated her sweet gesture. “Thank you so much”, you smiled before hugging her and taking the present from her, carefully opening it. As you opened the box, you saw a beautiful little glass ball. “Thank you so much Y/BFF/N, it is absolutely beautiful.”, you said, hugging her again. “You’re welcome. Do you know what it is?”, your best friend wanted to know with you asking: “A glass ball I suppose?” Y/BFF/N had to laugh out loud as she replied: “It may look like one but it actually isn’t” As you were giving her a puzzled look, she explained: “Actually it’s something like a dream catcher or more like a dream saver. It’s not there to keep bad dreams away, but if a dream is powerful enough that little thing will save it for you to watch and relive your dream over and over again. You should keep it with you all the time since it is not protected or something like that, meaning everyone can watch your dream if they have access to it. But I thought that it would be nice for you to have it since I know how much you love dreaming.” That was the best present that you had ever gotten. You hugged her once again, thanking her several times.

Although you expected the glass ball to have saved your dream by the next morning already, you were taught better. It was still empty, telling you that your dream wasn’t powerful enough. The days went by and you were already wrapped up in university life, having to do your tasks, study, whatever there was to do. And you also had to focus on the final exams, choosing fields as to where you wanted to succeed. You had already talked to most of the professors already, asking them for their assistance should you have trouble with certain topics and all of the ones you had asked, had agreed to help you. The only one, that you still had to ask, was Reigns and you weren’t even sure if you would do so or if you should just try to make it on your own. You promised yourself that you would decide about that the next morning as you were way too tired to think about that this evening. 

As soon as your head touched the pillow you were already asleep, knowing that your best friend wouldn’t return tonight as she was staying in her boyfriend’s dorm. When you woke up the next morning, you expected to find your glass ball empty once again. But much to your surprise you saw a pink violett fog in there, that somehow reminded you of nebula. Whatever you had been dreaming last night, it was obviously powerful enough for the dream catcher to save it. Since Y/BFF/N had already told you, how you could re-watch what you had been dreaming, you took the glass ball in your hand, held it over your heart and mumbled: “Somnium appareo”, which should force the dream to reveal itself. 

Suddenly you were in a different place, obviously seeing through your dream self’s eyes. You had no idea where you were since everything was black. You assumed that you had your eyes closed for whatever reasons. You tried to figure out what was going on as you turned your head in your dream, slowly opening your eyes while a soft moan escaped your lips. The first thing you saw was the palm of a huge hand that you gently kissed before you lovingly traced your fingertips over the arm attached to the hand. Since you were just reliving your dream, you not only felt and thought like your dream self but your own thoughts were present as well as you panicky realized that the arm was covered in a huge tattoo. You didn’t even have to think twice in order to know who this arm belonged to. "Look at me Y/N", you suddenly heard a deep voice that was oh so familiar. 

As you looked up, your eyes met dark brown ones but contrary to their counter part in real life, they were not cold and repellent, but warm and loving. You realized that Roman’s face was closer to yours as it should have been, thinking how it would feel to kiss those lips, when he already showed you by kissing you gently. You carefully traced your fingertips over his face before they came to a rest in the back of his neck. The next thing you realized was that you were naked, just as he was and while you still tried to process it, your dream self moaned out in pleasure with him moving in and out of you, a loving smile on his face as he made love to you gently. You could feel his movement, could feel his hands roaming your body, sending shivers down your spine. You could feel his finger on your bud, slowly rubbing it, helping your orgasm to draw nearer before it washed over you. And just as you heard his whispered “I love you.” being responded by your own distant: “I love you too” you snapped out of your dream and back into reality. You were so shocked about what you had just seen, that you almost dropped your glass ball, that treasured your dream for all eternity. You could not believe what you had dreamt about last night. Why in the hell would you dream anything like that? It was a fact that he couldn’t stand you and vice versa. 

You were still trapped in your thoughts when your best friend came into the room as she wanted to pick you up to have breakfast in the Great Hall. She was smiling brightly at you, before her face showed an admiring expression. You were still puzzled by what you had seen before as you wanted to know from her: “Is everything alright Y/BFF/N?” She shook her head, pointing at the glass ball in your hand, asking: “Have you any idea what that means?” You looked at the precious thing in your hand as you answered: “That that little dream catcher here saved one of my dreams?” Your best friend shook her head as she explained while sitting down next to you: “Y/N, normal powerful dreams are saved in the form of a little diamond. If it’s a nebula - and they are rare - it means that you were dreaming about what your heart wishes for most. Whatever it was, it’s saved right there.” You almost dropped the glass ball when hearing that. This was absolutely impossible. That simply couldn’t be what your heart was wishing for most. “It has to be broken.”, you mumbled. “It can’t be broken. Those things don’t work like that. What have you dreamt?” You just shook your head. Of course she was your best friend and you shared almost everything with her, but that… It was impossible. How could she understand it if not even you could? 

Before she could ask again however she realized that you were late already, hence why she dropped the topic. The both of you hurried into the Great Hall to have a short breakfast before your lectures started. You made sure that you had the little glass ball with you. You remembered Y/BFF/N’s words that you should keep it safe all the time and where would it be safer than in your possession? You couldn’t stop thinking about your dream. When you were reminiscing it, it felt so terribly real. Your lips were still ticklish from his kiss and so was every part where he had touched you. You had no idea how you should make it through your DADA lecture and you thought about skipping it, but since he had seen you already during breakfast, you didn’t want to be a coward about it. In addition to that you would have to ask him for his assistance with regard to your final exams, although that was something that you would have wanted to avoid - especially under the current circumstances.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Hogwarts AU, Harry Potter AU, mention of “smut”
> 
> Pairing: Roman Reigns x Reader
> 
> Originally published here: https://reignmyworld.tumblr.com/post/174922936786/a-dream-is-a-wish-your-heart-makes-part-2-roman

As soon as you were in lecture, you found it extremely hard to concentrate, your thoughts going back to your dream all over again. “Would you mind answering my question Y/L/N?”, you suddenly heard a voice as you snapped out of your thoughts. “I…uhm…”, you stuttered having no idea what Professor Reigns wanted from you. He gave you a sly smirk as he said: “You know if you keep acting like that in your exams you can kiss your degree goodbye. Can anyone else here answer my question?” One of the few students, you couldn’t stand, was raising her hand, answering his question correctly, giving you a triumphant smirk. As Roman was turning away from you, you heard him say: “If I were you, I would try my luck in the muggle world because you are obviously not suitable for the magical life.” That was enough for you. You always tried to stay calm and handle him on a neutral level. But being insulted like that was something you couldn’t take. Especially not after that confusing dream you had. That’s why you couldn’t hold back as you shot at him: “At least I don’t need a rich father that is known for kissing Voldemort’s ass in order to land a job like other people. Contrary to said people I will be able to go my own way without having to rely on the family reputation.” You knew that you had gone too far, but at this point you didn’t care. You could tell right away that he had trouble keeping his cool as he turned around again, shooting you a deathly glare before he groaned: “You should keep your mouth shut with regard to things you have no idea about Y/L/N. But if you feel the need to discuss my family in more detail you will have the time to do so after the lecture. You may be a student in your last year of university, but I’m still your professor which gives me not only more rights but also more privileges. Congratulations Y/L/N you just unlocked a new achievement by being the first student in university to suffer detention.” You had to bite your tongue so you wouldn’t curse him as he was heading back to his desk, a sly smirk on his lips. Only the gentle touch of your best friend’s hand helped you to remain calm. Oh how you hated that arrogant brick…The lecture was over sooner than expected and while everyone of your friends was leaving, you took a deep breath to calm your thoughts as you were staying behind. You just wanted to vanish into thin air but that was no option of course. 

As you were waiting for what was about to happen, Roman suddenly appeared out of nowhere in front of your desk, tossing a huge and extremely old book in front of you. “Since the Dark Lord seems to be so much of your concern and he is well known to enter people’s minds, it would be quite useful to know about the art of occlumency. We wouldn’t want that beautiful head of yours to be spied on, would we? Since I highly doubt that you have a higher understanding what the Dark Arts actually are and what damage they are able to cause, you better read that book carefully. Oh and fast, because I want an essay of at least 10 pages within the next three hours, so you better start reading through the book and scribble down as fast as your little hands can.”, he muttered, crossing his arms in front of his chest while staring at you, his muscles being well visible through the shirt he was wearing. Your frustration grew as you realized what he expected and how unfair that whole treatment was. “You’re waiting for better times?”, he wanted to know as you didn’t make the impression as if you intended to start with your detention any time soon. “Actually I’m just asking myself whether you are an asshole by birth or by education and family influence”, you spat out, not caring whether you made it worse or not. 

You had no idea what you should feel or think in that moment but the glass ball was resting heavy in your pocket and you had your troubles focusing on anything else but the dream you had about you and the man in front of you, that was fucking you so gently as if you were the only girl in the world. “Four hours and 15 pages Y/L/N. And if you want to continue like that you can spend the entire weekend here.”, he said before he turned away. You sighed in frustration before you took some papers as well as a quill and started reading in the book in front of you. You were quite sure that it would be some long four hours and as time passed by, you could feel his eyes on you, but you refused to look up, eagerly writing away in the hope that you could leave sooner once you were done. Unfortunately it took you indeed almost four hours in the end to finish the paper. You hated to admit it, but what you had read was interesting and terrifying at the same time. You were just hoping that your professor was not able to read minds, especially not after last night’s dream. Without thinking twice you were getting up and grabbed your bag, resting it on your shoulder before you grabbed your essay and the book as well, carrying it over to Roman, who was looking at you with an crooked eyebrow as he asked: “What do you think you are doing? Your four hours are not up yet.” with you answering: “You wanted me to write at least 15 pages about occlumency, here are 20. I think I have fulfilled my detention more than enough hence why I’m leaving now.” 

Just as you wanted to leave, he got up, grabbing your wrist, holding you back. “Who do you actually think you are? I have already told you that it is me who sets the rules here and if I say that you’re detention isn’t over yet, then that’s a fact. So if you don’t want me to get you expelled due to resistance to a professor’s order you better sit down again fast.” You were eyeing his wrist, that was holding you in a strong grip before you darted your eyes back up to meet his as you slowly and quietly threatened: “And if you don’t want me to tell the headmaster that you were touching me against my approval - and I’m pretty sure that this accounts as sexual assault here as well as in the muggle world - you better let go of my hand right away and don’t try to hold me back anymore.” With that you broke free from his grip, turned around and headed for the door, slamming it behind you as soon as you were out of the room. 

Roman was taken by surprise by your actions. As he processed what had happened just now, he wanted to come after you to drag your sorry ass back in, but something else had caught his attention. Something he knew was rare and hard to get. He was picking up the little glass ball that you had lost while you were storming out of the lecture hall. Roman knew exactly what he was holding in his hands and much to his surprise he saw the nebula twirling around inside of the glass ball. He knew that he shouldn’t, that it was none of his concern, but no matter how much you annoyed him, he wanted to know what your heart desired. He was grabbing your paper, the book as well as the glass ball and headed to his own four walls he was living in while teaching at Hogwarts. 

Once he had arrived there, he tossed the book and your essay on his desk, before he sat down in one of his comfortable chairs, twirling the ball through his long fingers. Of course that tiny voice in the back of his head told him that he couldn’t act on his impulse but he was way too curious about the things you dreamed about. He took the ball, placed it over his heart and mumbled: “Somnium appareo.” Suddenly he was in your dream, seeing everything with your eyes. His breath instantly hitched as he was looking up at his own face, hearing the soft moans that were coming out of your mouth while the dream you hung on to his body while he was pushing slowly into you, before he pulled out at a steady pace, only to burry himself inside of you again. The honest “I love you” coming out of your mouth was more than he could take before snapping out of the dream. He was irritated and absolutely speechless.  

Roman was staring down at the glass ball in his hands, trying to process what he had just seen. He knew that those things didn’t lie. What they treasured had to be powerful enough to be worth being saved by them. And the form didn’t leave any room for speculation. It was what the heart wished most for. But it was impossible. You had been in his lecture for three years now and besides trying to be friendly in the first few weeks when he made sure to be the biggest asshole he could be, you never showed any sign that would make him believe that you didn’t dislike maybe even hate him straight to the bone. Whatever he had just seen, it must have been some kind of trick that he didn’t know of yet. There was no way that someone like you could be interested in someone like him. 

Frustrated he put the glass ball away, before he got up in order to grab the bottle of whiskey and pour some of it in a glass before taking a huge sip. He was eyeing the little ball like it was some kind of curse, knowing damn well that it belonged to you and he should give it away during the next best occasion, but he couldn’t. Not until he had figured out what all of that meant. 

As you returned to your dorm, you were still slightly mad about how detention went. You were frustrated with yourself and with that asshole of professor of yours. And above all you were confused. You always thought that you strongly disliked him, but as he was standing right in front of you, glancing at you a certain danger surrounding him, you couldn’t help but be instantly reminded of your dream. You had to stop yourself from letting your facade drop and listen to your heart whether you indeed felt something for him. Just as you wanted to reminisce your dream, searching for the glass ball in your pocket, your heart sank as you realized that it was gone. You must have lost it somewhere on the way back from the lecture hall to your dorm. “Fuck”, you muttered panicky as you threw your stuff on the bed, rushing out, following the path you had taken, searching for the little thing that was so important since it apparently treasured one of your biggest desires. Fear almost overwhelmed you as you remembered that you still had the little ball while you were sitting in detention.You prayed to all possible gods that you haven’t lost it there and if so that Reigns hadn’t found it. And if he had - god forbid- that he at least didn’t know what he was dealing with. You rushed as fast as you could, being slightly out of breath as soon as you stopped in front of the lecture hall. 

Since you expected it to be empty by now you just went in without knocking. Roman however had returned to the lecture hall as he needed to go for a walk, trying to get rid off the thoughts that were stuck in his head since he had seen your dream through your eyes. As he heard the door being opened, he looked up only to find you standing there a shocked expression on your face. He tried to hide his own shock by wanting to know, his deep voice sounding more hostile than usual: “Miss Y/L/N what do you want? Telling me that you have reported me for sexually assaulting you?” Somehow he was enjoying the different emotions running over your face. As he was taking in your whole appearance he had to admit to himself that you indeed had drawn his attention ever since he had seen you for the first time. Not that he would have admitted it of course. He was leaning against his desk, waiting for your response. You took a deep breath, trying to ignore the feeling of being drawn to him as you said with more confidence than you felt: “Actually I might have lost something here and thought I’ll give it a try by looking for it.” With that you moved over to where you were sitting, looking under the table just in case before you glanced over to the desk, trying to ignore your professor, figuring out whether you might have lost it there. 

Your heart sank even a little more when you couldn’t find it. You took a deep breath as you heard Reigns asking: “Was it something of importance?” You got up and locked eyes with him as you answered: “No not in the actual sense. It was just a present from my best friend that I would like to have back.” You once again hoped that he wasn’t able to read your mind, so he couldn’t see through your lie right away. “Well should I find it, I will let you know. And now get out of my lecture hall”, he grunted, trying to get rid off you as fast as possible as thoughts kept occupying his mind of you moaning under him while he fucked you on his desk. You shot him a deathly glare as you muttered: “You know that manners are common property hence why everyone is allowed to use them? That means even you, hard to believe I know.” With that you turned around and went out off the door, heading back to your dorm. Roman was gripping his desk, forcing himself to stay back before he could act on his impulses and come after you. He decided that he needed another glass of whiskey before he would call it a night. 

As he woke up the next morning the first thing that caught his attention was the little glass ball on his night stand. He gulped hard as he realized that there was not only that pink violet nebula in there, that belonged to you, but also a green blue one. He didn’t have to think twice to realize that this obviously was what his heart desired most and that was caught by the little dream saver next to him. Roman sat up in his bed while he was reaching out to it. He was torn on the inside. On the one hand he wanted to know what he had dreamt about, on the other hand he was afraid of finding it out. It took him several minutes until he mumbled “Somnium appareo”, bracing himself for whatever was about to come. This time he didn’t see through your eyes but his own. 

Much to his horror he realized that his dream was not much different from yours. The first thing he saw was the surrounding of his own bed room, his own hands roaming over a body, slowly tracing his fingertips over someone’s spine. He was pushing away some hair that prevented him to have easy access to the person’s neck. He didn’t have to think twice to know that this was you and you were naked in his arms. As he was nibbling on your neck, he heard your soft moan, before he was pushed back down into the mattress. Much to Roman’s surprise he realized that you were sitting on top of him, your hands pressed against his chest while you were slowly moving, finding your own rhythm before you increased it as time went by. He saw his dream self holding your waist, pushing you down on him whenever you were moving up. He could hear his own as well as your moaning and your pleased face while you were riding him was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. 

As you were close to coming you bowed down to him, kissing him while he held your neck, not letting you go anytime soon. He muffled the sounds you were making as you came with him following shortly after. You were smiling down at him, whispering: “I couldn’t imagine my life without you” as he heard himself answer: “I couldn’t either doll. You are the best thing that ever happened to me.” Roman snapped out of his thoughts, tossing the glass ball in front of him, while he was burying his head in his hands. This just couldn’t be true. He didn’t want to feel those things for you, especially since it would be dangerous if he acted on them, but if he was completely honest with himself, he couldn’t deny that you caught his attention the day he was introduced as your new professor. When he locked eyes with you, he had the feeling that you were the only sincere soul in a world full of corrupted ones. Yet he forbid himself to feel anything for you since it would not be right. He couldn’t be selfish enough to expose you to danger just because he had fallen for you. He felt absolutely miserable watching your nebula as well as his own swirling around in the glass ball. 

He got lost in his thoughts for quite some time until he cursed out loud as he realized that he had spent way too much time brooding about life almost missing the lectures he had to give today. Roman gulped hard as he remembered that it was your class that he would have to see at first. He got dressed, pulled his hair back into a pony tail and made sure to slip the glass ball into his pocket before he headed for the lecture hall, realizing that everyone was already waiting for him. Everyone but you. He searched the rows for you but couldn’t see you anywhere. Just as he wanted to make a mean remark whether people knew why you were skipping, the door was pushed open and you came in, mumbling a slight “Sorry” before you headed to your seat. Roman could see that you looked absolutely miserable hence why he didn’t put you down in front of everyone but asked himself instead what had happened to you.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Hogwarts AU, mention of “smut”, mention of implied rape
> 
> Originally published here: https://reignmyworld.tumblr.com/post/176492168530/a-dream-is-a-wish-your-heart-makes-part-3-roman

You were falling down on your chair, feeling absolutely miserable, avoiding your best friend’s questioning look. You were basically going insane, not knowing where you had left that little glass ball of yours. And if that wasn’t enough, you had to deal with one of your fellow students as well and not in the friendly kind of way. He was one of those students that thought you were worth less due to your blood status and although he had been verbally mean in the past, that was it - words, that could hurt but you managed to ignore him. 

When you were on your way to the lecture hall on this day however, he already awaited you in one of the darker corridors, pushing you against the next best wall. You were way too confused to make a sound when you realized who had trapped you. “Hello you filthy mudblood” was the first thing you heard as Septimus spoke. “Let go of me”, you hissed, struggling to get free only to be pushed against the wall even harder. “Don’t you dare trying to get away from me.”, he groaned before he added: “You know mudblood? I know that you are dirt, that people like you are scum of society but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t and won’t screw you. You’re hot, I have to grant you that. And I’m sure a little adventure with you won’t hurt.” With that he pulled open the upper buttons of your blouse, before he tried to push his hand into it,  in order to roam your chest, touching your breasts while doing so. You mumbled a spell, making him scream out in pain before he stumbled backwards, holding his hand and hissing: “You are going to pay for that you little slut.” With that he heft you while you leaned against the wall, trying to calm down somehow. A short glance at your wrist showed you that it was turning blue and violet from where he had grabbed you hard. You knew that you didn’t have time to head back to your dorm and change into another blouse, so you tried to cover the damage the best you could and headed for your lessons, because you sure as hell didn’t want to grant Reigns the pleasure to put you down in front of the whole lecture hall again. And now you were sitting here, feeling absolutely terrible, hoping that no one could guess what had happened to you before. 

You tried to focus on your lecture but found it hard to do so as you noticed Roman staring at you from time to time. You certainly were not in the mood for his mind games so you just decided to shoot him some glares, that would have scared any other person away. Of course, you knew that those had barely any effect on him. Although you felt more than just uncomfortable the lesson nevertheless went by in no time. Before you could get up, however, and walk out off the door together with your best friend, you heard a deep voice behind you saying: “Y/L/N I would like to have a word with you. You can catch up with your friends later.” You tried to swallow the mean comment that you wanted to snap at him but instead you stopped in your tracks, watching your friends leave the lecture hall while shooting you some rather compassionate looks. 

As soon as you were left alone with your professor, you braced yourself for what was about to come as you turned around to face him. He was towering over you, nevertheless making sure not to invade your personal space while doing so, eyeing you and asking: “Do you mind sharing why you didn’t think it was necessary to appear in time?" 

"I couldn’t”, was all you got out, memories of your encounter with Septimus clouding your mind. You could see that he was rather annoyed with your one syllable answer but you didn’t care to evaluate. “Judging from your look you were late for obvious reasons.”, Roman spat out and you could clearly see that his eyes had locked with the broken buttons of your blouse. You knew exactly what he was hinting at and this injustice made your blood boil as you hissed: “I’m really happy that those reasons are so obvious. It would have been a shame if you didn’t notice that I was almost raped just before I ran late for this absolutely important class of yours.” You were not sure but you thought you saw something like shock appearing on his face before it was replaced by anger shortly before he wore a motionless mask again as he wanted to know, his voice quieter than usual: “What did you just say?” You didn’t look away from his glare as you answered: “I think you have understood me just fine, Professor. And I’m not going to repeat myself. Is there anything else you need or can I just leave? Because I have another lecture to be at now and it would be tremendous if I could get back to my timetable.” You waited for his answer, that didn’t seem to come, until he finally wanted to know: “Who was it?" 

"Why is that of any importance?" 

"Because he has to and will suffer consequences for his actions. Therefore I’m asking you again, who was it?" 

"Why would this be any of your concern? You can’t even stand me.”, you wanted to know, crossing your arms in front of your chest and waiting for an answer with your eyebrow crooked. Roman took a deep breath as he answered, sounding more like his usual self: “Whether you believe it or not Y/L/N, this is not about you as a person. A behavior like that is unacceptable and we are forced - according to the ethic standards - to report such a behavior to the headmaster. And if you don’t want me to do it, then I can definitely hand that responsibility over to one of my colleagues. It’s not like I would want to deal with it. But having knowledge of that incident and not reporting it, would have consequences for me as well." 

"And that certainly isn’t anything that we would want to risk, right?”, you got out without thinking twice. As you noticed his dangerous aura, you gulped hard before mumbling: “It was Septimus. I’m sure you have heard of him, given that your and his family both kiss Voldemort’s ass.” Before you could think twice he was taking a step towards you and no matter how dangerous he was, you had to admit that it kind of made you want to reach out to him, in order to make your heart’s wish come true, that you still tried your best to deny. “I have told you before and I will tell you again. Mind your language, Y/L/N. My family should be the least of your concerns to talk about. And should I hear anything like that ever again, you can kiss your degree in Defense Against Dark Arts goodbye. Have you understand that or should I spell it out for you as you seem to miss the important points due to your limited means?”, he groaned at you and suddenly all of the things he had whispered into your ear in your dream while he was fucking you were overly present. You gulped hard as you answered: “No Sir, I have understood it although this is a pretty low move.” He crooked an eyebrow as he wanted to know: “Do you always need to have the last word?” with you shrugging your shoulders, mumbling: “Basically." 

As he glanced over your body, he could see the blue and violet mark around your wrist and Roman had to hold himself back from just running out and sending an unforgivable curse after Septimus. Instead of doing so, he told you to wait before he headed to the back of the room, disappearing through a door there. It didn’t take long until he came back with an ointment, holding it out to you, grunting: "Here, use that. It’s from Snape’s collection and it should help you to get rid off that ugly bruise on your arm.” You eyed him wary before you reached out and took the salve from him, mumbling: “Thank you, I guess.” Roman just nodded his head before he said: “You can go now, but make sure to calculate in some additional time tomorrow since we will discuss your essay then." 

"Tomorrow? Friday afternoon, just before the weekend?”, you wanted to know in disbelief with Roman answering: “The last time I checked the weekend followed on a Friday, yes. But since that’s common knowledge it won’t give you any extra points. You’re having a problem with that Y/L/N?” You hated to admit it, but it indeed interfered with your plans. Of course, you wouldn’t let him know, but with the yule ball coming up and one of your close friends having asked you to accompany him, you actually wanted to go to Hogsmeade in order to search for a decent dress with his help. But as it seemed now, you had to postpone your initial plans. All because of your arrogant professor, that you actually could not stand - or so you still wanted to believe if your heart hadn’t betrayed you. “No Sir, no problem. Can I leave now?”, you wanted to know through gritted teeth. Roman looked as if he wanted to add something but instead he just nodded his head and before he could change his opinion, you were already out of the door. 

Roman tried to make it through his following lessons but his thoughts always returned to that bruise on your wrist and your words that told him that you were almost raped. He wanted to kill Septimus and just his disciplined self-control helped him to not run out of the lecture hall, in order to find him and beat the living shit out of him. He took a deep breath as soon as he had released the last class for the day, heading back into his own for walls before he would head to the Great Hall for dinner. Once he was in the safety of his own apartment, he took the glass ball out of his pocket, twirled it through his fingers and couldn’t help but stare at his own nebula and yours. He had to let out a sad laugh as this whole situation somehow reminded him of Romeo and Juliet - with the only difference that those two indeed were in love, while he and you… Well, it was obvious that you couldn’t stand him, no matter what your dream showed and he made sure to make you believe that he strongly disliked you as well. 

Roman had to refrain himself from throwing the glass ornament against the next best wall, watching how it would break into thousand pieces, only to avoid that he would have to stare at it again and again, asking himself how it would be like if you were indeed moaning his name out in pleasure under him while he would fuck you the way you wanted and needed it. He tossed it back into his pocket and stripped out of his clothes, since the pure thought about doing all those forbidden things with you basically forced him to give himself the release he so urgently wanted to find with you. He let out a small moan once he was under the shower and the warm water caressed his tense body. While he helped himself, his thoughts immediately returned back to you although he knew how wrong that was.  As he was slowly stroking himself, he pictured your lips around his dick instead of his fingers. His pace was slow at first, but with each stroke it steadily increased, making him moan out in pleasure, you occupying every single one of this thoughts. As he was about to cum, he couldn’t help but mumble your name while doing so. “God fucking dammit”, he cursed as he knew thinking of you like that was all kinds of wrong and he should not spare another thought like that. He got out of the shower and put on the next best clothes, mumbling to himself: “I really need a drink” before he headed to his living room, pouring some whiskey in a glass and drinking it in one sip. He enjoyed the hot burning feeling the alcohol left as he sat down on his couch, once again grabbing the little glass ball and staring at it. 

The best thing he could have done would have been to just throw it away, never to be seen again, but he just couldn’t. He was reminiscing everything you had said to him throughout the last weeks and he hated to admit it, but you thinking that he was like his family, pained him more than he could express. The truth was, that he despised them and anything they stood for. He didn’t share their beliefs, he didn’t think of himself or any other pureblood as a superior race and he never wanted to be part of the death eater cult. He tried to stay away from it, tried everything not to be what his father and the Dark Lord wanted him to be, but he wasn’t able to avoid it. Before he had been able to prevent it, he had been introduced in their circle and although he had left not only them but also his family behind, the Dark Mark was still there - not as present as before he had covered it up with the huge tribal on his whole arm, but if he looked closely, he could still see the skull and the snake underneath it. With Voldemort’s increasing power he knew that he was in danger and so was anyone that meant something to him. “Fuck it”, he groaned, looking away from the Dark Mark on his arm and tossing away the little glass ball. His heart might desire one thing, but for his own sake and yours quite alike he could never let that happen.

 While Roman was trapped in his own thoughts you were back in your room, rather happy that your best friend was not around. You were still devastated about the glass ball being gone and still tried to wrap your head around anything that had happened that day. You were reminiscing Septimus’ attack as well as Reigns’ face when he found out what had happened to you and for a brief second you thought you had seen not only anger but also pain and fear in his eyes, before he turned back to be his usual arrogant self. You sighed out loud as you thought about the time you would have to spend with him tomorrow. You hated to admit it, but ditching on your Hogsmeade plans was not what concerned you so much, it was rather spending additional time with your professor alone - the man that seemed to hate you while your heart desired to be with him. You let out a frustrated sigh, burying your head into your pillow. You had no idea what you should do and no matter how much you loved Hogwarts and how much you considered it a home away from home, right now, you just wanted the year to end, as this would mean that you would not only graduate, but more importantly you would leave your professor behind for good and could ban the thoughts your missing glass ball treasured for all time. 

You fell into a sleepless dream that night and once you got up the next morning, you realized that it came way too early. You were not prepared for that, not at all, as you were heading down to the Great Hall in order to find and sit with your friends. As you reached them, you plummeted down next to your best friend, that gave you a concerned look: “Are you alright Y/N?” You nodded as you mumbled: “Yeah I have just slept bad that is all.” You were not really in the mood for talking but decided to let your eyes wander instead. Much to your surprise you found that Septimus’ group of friends were sitting without him and as you looked around you couldn’t find him either. You asked yourself whether Reigns indeed told the headmaster about that incident and he got his bill for what he had done to you. Not that you would mind if that brick was gone for good of course. 

As you looked up to the teacher’s table you realized that your prof seemed as if he hadn’t slept too well either, vacantly rubbing his right arm, where -according to rumors- his Dark Mark was inked. You couldn’t help but wonder whether the rumors were indeed true, whether he was Voldemort’s chosen one, that should bring so much terror and pain to the Wizarding World. Somehow you couldn’t believe it, but how would you know? You turned your attention away from him, before he could notice you staring. You would have to spend more than enough time in his presence later on. You were still trapped in your thoughts, trying to figure out where your little glass ball could be when one of your rather close friends made you snap out of those as he wanted to know: “So Y/N when are we going to head for Hogsmeade today?” You suddenly realized, that you hadn’t told him yet that you had to appear for an extended detention or however you should call it in Reigns’ office after your lecture. “Oh I’m so sorry, I wanted to tell you already. We have to skip on our plans as I have to stay after Reigns’ lecture. He probably wants to rip my head off for the essay I had written during detention.”, you apologized with your friend pulling a face, answering: “That guy is really an absolute nightmare. I feel with you Y/N. No problem we can catch up on that another time.” You nodded your head and thanked him for being so understanding before you and your group of friends headed for the first lecture of the day.

The whole day seemed as if it didn’t want to end. Not that you were too keen to spend time in Reigns’ lecture but you just wanted the day to be over and the weekend to come, where you could just be all by yourself. Somehow the last couple days were beyond exhausting and it tremendously concerned you not knowing where your little dream safer was. As you were finally heading for your last class of the day, you didn’t even bother to pay too much attention. Actually you were one of those people everyone wanted to chat to and that was willing to stop for a conversation, exchanging smiles and so on. But not today… Today you just didn’t want to talk to anyone and you were absolutely not in the mood to be all smiles. 

As you were minding your own business you crashed into someone, not paying attention where you were going. Instead of apologizing, however, you snapped: “How about you decide to not stop in the middle of the way the next time, asshat?” You instantly regretted being that harsh because it was absolutely not your nature to act like that. “How about you pay attention where you’re going Y/L/N? You would not only notice to whom you are talking to but also that I’ve stopped because I’m in front on my lecture hall, you insufferable pain in the ass.”, Roman groaned, turning around, staring down at you. You tried to hide the blush, that wanted to creep on your cheeks, until it hit you. With an crooked eyebrow you wanted to know: “Wait, did you just insult me?” with him shooting you an angry look, answering: “I guess I did, yes.” You couldn’t help but laugh out loud as you questioned: “Really? You’re my professor insulting me? And the best thing you can come up with is "insufferable pain in the ass”?“ You hated to admit it but this highly amused you as you added: "You should probably make a few visits to the muggle world so you can stock up your vocabulary on insults." 

With that you went passed him, opening the door to the lecture hall. "What do you think you’re doing?”, Roman wanted to know, his voice heavy with disbelief. “I have a class to be in and I can’t afford to be late. You probably don’t know but that prof I have - he’s a huge dickhead.”, you shrugged your shoulders before heading into the lecture hall, closing the door behind you. Roman kept staring at the now closed door, trying to process what had just happened. He couldn’t help but smirk. No one ever had dared to talk to him like that and he would lie if he didn’t find it hilarious. “That woman will be my death”, he groaned almost silently, having to admit that you were actually everything he looked for in a woman. And it got harder for him with each passing day to act as if he couldn’t stand you. He tried to arrange his thoughts, putting on a sour expression before he made his way into the lecture hall, only to find everyone waiting there already. 

As he passed your seat, he shot you a deathly glare, which you just registered but didn’t mind. “What the hell was that?”, you thought to yourself as you were reminiscing your behavior. You shook your head, trying to forget what you had said and to concentrate the best you could. Not that it was easy as every time you looked at him, your dream came back to your mind and you had to question yourself how it would be, feeling his hands roam your body, his lips placing little kisses everywhere, his tongue exploring your most intimate parts. “Oh for fuck’s sake, stop it.”, you murmured, being quite sure that no one had heard you. That was before you heard a deep voice saying: “If you don’t like my lesson, you have two options Y/L/N. Either head for the door and leave or gather some courage and enlighten me as well as the whole class what’s not to your pleasure.” As you looked up Roman glared at you, but instead of feeling fear, it just made you want him more, sending shivers down your spine. You took a deep breath before you mumbled: “I’m sorry I was talking to myself.” You looked back down to your notes, trying to ignore him, cursing yourself. You could feel his presence right in front of you as he muttered: “If you want to daydream Y/L/N my class is not the place to be. That is if you don’t want to share what’s bothering you with all of us. If you want to ,however, you are my guest to do so." 

As you were looking back up, you saw him staring down at you, his dark eyes piercing yours. You gulped hard, asking yourself whether this man actually knew what he was doing to you. You got up, gathering your stuff and said: "Don’t worry, I don’t feel like sharing anything here. It would probably disturb you on several levels nonetheless.” With that you intended to leave the lecture hall, only to be held back by his sharp voice asking: “What the hell do you think you’re doing Y/L/N?" 

"You told me to leave if I’m not willing to speak my mind and I’m certainly not.”, you shrugged, not caring what your classmates might think. You could see his expression change from anger to disbelief to amusement and back to anger in just two seconds as he groaned: “Sit back down.” You looked at him with your eyebrow crooked as you said: “You should really try to make up your mind professor.” You could hear your classmates gasp behind you as Reigns was leaning in closer, hissing through gritted teeth: “You have just asked for trouble officially, Y/L/N. Should you have a personal organizer you might want to note that you will appear for detention, every Friday afternoon until your graduation. Maybe you are willing to share your secrets then.” With that he turned around and you watched his back in disbelief, not believing what just had happened. You dropped down to your seat and muttered “Asshole” under your breath but Roman had heard you nevertheless as he added without looking at you: “If you continue like that I will add Saturdays as well. As of now, you shouldn’t only cancel your afternoon plans but your evening plans for today as well.” You had the feeling of being stuck in a damn nightmare but you nevertheless decided not to let your mouth get you in further trouble.

When your lecture was finally over, you couldn’t help but feel sorry for yourself as you watched your friends leave while you had to stay back. Their pitiful expressions didn’t really help you to feel better in that moment. Just moments later you were alone with Reigns again and you didn’t even want to know what kind of essay you would have to write today. If he really stuck to his threat, you would have written a complete book by the time you graduated as it seemed. You were trapped in your thoughts as Roman came over to your desk, throwing your essay in front of you while having to admit much to his disliking: “Your essay was on point and I hate to admit that, but I haven’t found one false bit in it, no matter how often I have re-read it.” You looked at him skeptical before you said: “Thank you I guess.” He just nodded his head before he turned round and headed back to his own desk, sitting down there, ignoring you. You took your essay and skipped through it, trying to figure out whether he had scribbled down some harsh words but much to your surprise you couldn’t find any. You waited until he would come back over, tossing another book in front of you, telling you to write another 20 pages but nothing like that happened. 

As the minutes were passing by you grew more and more annoyed. You had to sit in detention, fine so be it. But sitting there, not doing anything while he was ignoring you was not exactly the punishment you were expecting. And it annoyed you even more, knowing that you should be in Hogsmeade, choosing a dress for your yule ball instead of being trapped here with a guy you officially couldn’t stand although your heart decided to betray you by wanting exactly that guy. “So will you give me something to do while I’m stuck here?”, you wanted to know after a little eternity while Roman graced you with a bored look as he answered: “Not really. You not being able to enjoy your afternoon should be punishment enough.” You visibly rolled your eyes before shooting him a deathly glare while he didn’t seem to be bothered one bit. There were several moments of awkward silence, which you absolutely hated. “Is he the only one who knows how to use legilimency?”, you suddenly asked as this topic had bothered you for quite some time. “Who?”, Reigns wanted to know, not even caring to look at you. You groaned out in annoyance as you snapped: “Your big boss, that’s who. Is Voldemort the only one of you dark wizards that knows how to use legilimency?” As he looked up, you could see anger written all over his face as he hissed: “I have told you before to watch your words and not to talk about things you have no damn clue about." 

"Then enlighten me”, you fired back at him. The one moment he sat at his desk, the next moment he was in front of yours, leaning down to you, a danger surrounding him, you had never seen before, as he deadly quiet responded: “It’s dangerous- not only for you but for anyone else - to talk about things you have no clue about. And it’s even more dangerous to assume things you don’t know or you just think you know due to hearsay. You want to know whether he is the only one? No he is not. He has taught his most faithful ones how to use it, although not to the full extent. And those few who know how to use it don’t dare to do so. Not for the same reasons but invading someone else’s mind, can cause your own to suffer. If Voldemort enters your mind, he can make you see things, you don’t want to see. He can make you feel things, you don’t want to feel. He can force you to act according to his own will, bottling up yours while doing so. And there is nothing you can do against it. You can fight, you can try to break free but you will fail because he wants you to. So you better take that paper you have written by heart and learn occlumency yourself, especially if you’re holding on to your dream of becoming an auror. Because once he enters your mind, you hope to be dead. If you’re less lucky you’ll end up in St. Mungos, all broken on the inside, your body nothing more but a mere shell to your broken mind. Or you just hope that you are strong enough to survive his torture. Then you might make it out with just some nightmares torturing you on a regular basis.” His words sent shivers down your spine and this time none of the pleasant kind. You had a feeling that he knew damn well what he was talking about and for the glint of a second, you saw endless pain on his face. 

“You know exactly what you are talking about, don’t you?”, you whispered, compassion almost burying you under as you didn’t dare to glance away. You could see his unapproachable mask crack for a moment as he answered: “Let’s just say that I know enough to say that I wouldn’t wish my worst enemy to experience it.” You decided to give it another try as you asked: “You were one of his, weren’t you? The rumors of you being his favorite one are true. But something has happened, something that made you leave all of this behind.” You could see that he was struggling with his words as he wanted to know: “How would you know any of that?” with you replying: “Contrary to any other of his loyal ones you call him by his real name instead of the Dark Lord. Anything you had just said was not something you read in a book. You tried to cover it up but I heard the pain in your voice. So you are exactly who everyone says. Or let me rephrase myself.. You were exactly who anyone wants you to be. But you escaped for whatever reason.” You thought you had crushed his walls, for a mere second you thought that he would let you see the real him, but as fast as it came, it vanished again, as he put his usual mask back on, gritting through his teeth: “You should be smart enough to know not to stick your nose into things that are none of your business. If you heard the rumors about me, you should better start believing them and now grab your stuff and leave. I have better things to do than waste my time with you." 

Before you could say another word, he was heading for the door, left the lecture hall and slammed the door behind him, leaving you back all alone with your thoughts and feelings. You slowly shook your head, trying to understand what had just happened. You could clearly feel his pain and as much as you always thought you’d despise him, as of now you just wanted to take part of the burden, he was carrying, and carry it for him. You felt like crap as you got up in order to head for the door yourself. As you looked over to his desk, your heart immediately sank. You saw an item on his desk, that you knew only too well, as it was your glass ball that you had been missing for so long.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Hogwarts AU, mention of “smut”, angst
> 
> Originally published here: https://reignmyworld.tumblr.com/post/177283736981/a-dream-is-a-wish-your-heart-makes-part-4-roman

As you were slowly drawing nearer, your heart sank even more, although you didn’t even know that this was possible. Not only did it hit you with full force that Reigns must have been the one, that had found it in the first place, but you noticed right away that there was not only your pink violet nebula but also a green blue one swirling around inside of the ball. You gulped hard as you reached out for it, your hands shaking slightly. You took it and stared at it for what felt like an eternity before you snapped out of your thoughts. If he had found it, this would probably mean that the green blue nebula belonged to him. You felt literally sick as you imagined that he might have seen what your heart desired the most. You hoped that this would not be the case and with your hands still shaking, you put the glass ball in your pocket, before you left the lecture hall as fast as you could. 

While you were on your way back to your dorm, Roman tried to gain his composure back. Back there he was so close to let his mask fall, to tell you about his past, you almost managed to wreck his walls, but he knew that this would have been too dangerous, not only for him but for you as well, hence why he had to get away as fast as he could. He was rubbing his hands over his face, not really surprised that they turned wet as tears were falling down his cheeks. He hated the life he was living, being avoided by anyone due to the rumors that surrounded him and his family, seeing all of the fear in not only his students’ but everyone’s eyes as soon as they figured out who he was. He hadn’t asked for this and it was hard to get through day by day. If he could have changed with someone from the muggle world, he would have done so right away. 

“Fuck it”, he yelled as he punched against the wall, trying to get rid of his emotional pain, replacing it with a physical one. He swore himself that he would never let it get this far again, that he would never let anyone scratch on the surface, trying to dig through in order to find what bothered him the most. Out of pure reflex he grabbed for the glass ball in his pocket - no matter how much of a burden it was, knowing, that he desired what he could never have - it somehow nevertheless calmed him down to know that there was at least one person, that apparently didn’t see the monster in him, everyone wanted him to be, although your behavior told a different story. Panic almost overwhelmed him as he couldn’t find the glass ball before it hit him… Back when he was ignoring you during detention, he got out the little glass ball, twirling it through his fingers. He didn’t even think about it, it was primarily a pure reflex. "Fucking hell", he cursed out loud, realizing that he had left you back in the lecture hall, back where the glass ball, that belonged to you, laid on his desk, not only treasuring your desire but his as well. It would be an absolute nightmare if, out of all the possible people, you found it and took it back into your possession. He let out an angry yell before he left his four walls, heading back to the lecture hall, praying to all gods, that could probably be listening, that he would find it safe and sound on his desk, waiting there for him to pick it up. 

As soon as he stormed back into the classroom, he realized two things; the little glass ball was gone and so were you. His heart immediately sank while he let out a cry of frustration. “This just can’t be true”, he muttered, moving over to the desk in the desperate hope that the ball rolled down and would be waiting there for him. But while he was heading towards his desk, he already knew that it was senseless. He had no doubts that you had taken back what was yours after all. Roman fell down on his chair, burying his face in his hands while a mix of panic, anger and despair threatened to overwhelm him. The last thing he needed was you knowing that he wanted you, that he wanted you bad. And although he knew that you somehow felt the same desire for him, both of you had made it clear that you couldn’t stand each other. Knowing now that you were about to learn about his heart wish or already knowing about it, was a complete and utter nightmare for him. “That’s it, I can quit this thing here and move to the end of the world”, he mumbled, trying to hold back the anger he was feeling and that tried to urge him to destroy whatever was in his way. If he was honest, he had no idea how he should treat you from now on, preferably not in any other way as before he thought to himself. 

While Roman was still drowning in his anger and self-pity you had made it back to your dorm. You had hoped to find it vacant but much to your disliking your best friend as well as her boyfriend were there. As much as you liked them but right now, you just wanted them gone as you wanted to see what secret the nebula contained. “Hey Y/N, you’re alright? You look terrible. I mean not to sound nasty or something like that but I guess anyone would look like that if they had to sit in detention with Reigns.”, your best friend’s boyfriend wanted to know with you answering: “Yeah I’m alright, thanks for asking. I’m just suffering from headache that is all.” Your best friend, who only knew you too well, could sense that you weren’t in the mood for talking, hence why she said: “Oh don’t worry Y/N, we’re basically gone. I’m staying with him tonight so you can try and get some rest. You sure as hell deserve it.”, your best friend smiled at you with you smiling back at her gratefully. 

Just minutes later the two of them left your dorm, leaving you back alone with your thoughts and the little glass ball that lied heavy in your pocket. You had to admit that you were scared when you got it out of your pocket, staring at it for god knew how long. You feared of what you would see once you peeked at the dream next to yours. But at the same time your curiosity almost drove you insane as you wanted to know what was hidden until now. You took a deep breath, before you grabbed it harder, holding it over your heart and mumbling “Somnium appareo”. 

The first thing you realized was the wall on the opposite that seemed to be familiar and yet so strange. It took you a moment to figure out that you didn’t see with your eyes but with the dreamer’s, dipping into his conscience. It didn’t take long until you were staring at a tattooed arm pushing away some hair to have easy access to one’s neck. You gulped hard as you realized that you were indeed in Roman’s dream and you already wanted to snap back out of it, way too afraid of what you would see next. It pained you finding out who he was dreaming about as you remembered your own dream. But before you could do so, your eyesight changed, making the real you gasp out in shock. Through his eyes you looked up at your own face, your own naked body while his hands roamed you as you were slowly riding him, softly moaning out, making him moan in pleasure as well before your face came nearer kissing his lips gently. The last thing you heard was his deep voice saying: “You are the best thing that ever happened to me.” before you snapped back into the real world, almost dropping the valuable item in your hands. Your hands were slightly shaking as you tried to process everything you had just seen. “That’s impossible”, you whispered, eyeing the glass ball as if it was a blessing and a curse quite alike.  

You had no idea how long you tried to wrap your head around the dream that so obviously belonged to your professor and that mirrored your own. You had a hard time admitting to yourself that you were indeed feeling more for him that you ever wanted to believe but you had an even harder time accepting that obviously he felt something for you as well - contrary to how he had treated you all of this time, how nasty he had been to you, how often he had ignored you and how painful some of the words, he had said, were. You couldn’t really believe what you had just seen and yet you knew that it had to be true. You sighed heavily as you tried to figure out how you should make it through the rest of your last year at Hogwarts with the knowledge you had just gathered. Skipping DADA wasn’t an option, especially not if you wanted to pursue your career as an auror, but attending Reigns’ class didn’t seem to be an easy thing to accomplish anymore. Your thoughts instantly wandered back to his and your dream alike and although you didn’t want to, you asked yourself what sleeping with him would be like. “For fuck’s sake, don’t even consider it.”, you scolded yourself before you threw the blanket of your head in frustration. At least the weekend laid before you, meaning that you were able to buy yourself at least two days, where you didn’t have to see him and could try to calm down so you could carry on with your life as usual. 

Needless to say that it went by faster than you could have wished for and it didn’t really go according to your plan either. You had postponed your trip to Hogsmeade to Saturday and spent the majority of your day there looking for a dress for the yule ball. Not that you were too much of a fan of occasions like that, but it nevertheless gave you a way to occupy your thoughts. As you were roaming the little store a rather beautiful dress caught your eye that you wanted to jump in right away. You took it and searched for the changing cubicle in order to try it on. As you were once again trapped in your thoughts you did not really pay attention as to whether the only changing cubicle was free but instead just pulled the curtain back. A sharp “What the hell?” brought you back from your daydream and your blood slightly froze as you could tell right away who you had ran into. 

As you were looking up the first thing you saw was a broad, shirtless chest before you shifted your eyes further up, looking at the angry face of Roman, who tried to hide his shock upon seeing you. “I’m sorry I guess”, you mumbled, trying not to blush as you took another look at his upper body, having to admit that he looked beyond stunning. Roman tried to regain his composure and to hide the fact that you had caught him somehow off guard by putting on an annoyed expression as he snapped: “Do you need an extra invitation to close the curtain Y/L/N? Or do you wait for an invitation to join me?” You took a deep breath as your glance caught the huge tattoo on his arm and you could see the contour of the dark mark although he had tried to hide it by covering it up under the huge tribal. You immediately shivered as you knew exactly what it stood for and how dangerous the people, who carried it, wore. Roman noticed you eyeing his arm and watching your facial expression change from disbelief to disgust hurt him more than he could say. He tried to hide his arm as you already hissed: “No thank you I’m fine. I’ll be gone before you can send an unforgivable one my way." 

With that you turned round and headed for the cash point in order to buy your dress without trying it on. You immediately regretted your behavior but you had to get away. It was hard to describe but you were beyond disgusted - not because of the dark mark itself, but because of what it stood for; not because he might be or might have been a death eater after all, but because of his family that raised him into such a life, not caring how many people might suffer under their terror. And you were disgusted by yourself to act like that because you had noticed the hurt expression, that was on his face for a brief second. Roman watched you leave the shop and as he jumped back into his own clothes, it felt like part of his world had just shattered. Daring to believe that you could see something in him, something else than the monster anyone wanted him to be, was foolish. Sure he had seen you heart’s desire but the more he thought about it, the more certain he was that it was just a matter of playing with the fire, of trying to figure out something that was forbidden, that was dark, that was dangerous. And in his case it probably was just the desire to fuck one of his students, more precisely the only one that didn’t show fear but pure refusal. At least he tried to convince himself because it was easier to accept that than any other option.

As you were getting ready for breakfast now you still cursed yourself due to your behavior. You really had no idea how you should make it through Reigns’ lectures but you had no other choice than to somehow manage it. You had barely seen your best friend that was spending most of her time with her boyfriend hence why you headed down to the Great Hall on your own. As you were just a few feet away you saw the door being pulled open and Roman coming out of it. You immediately stopped in your tracks, trying to find an escape but you couldn’t as he was heading towards your direction. If he had noticed you standing there, he didn’t give it away at least. His expression was his usual unapproachable mask but that didn’t stop you from saying "I’m sorry for what happened on Saturday” as soon as he was passing you. He shot a deathly glare towards your direction as he snapped: “Save your breath Y/L/N. No one cares what you are sorry for.” And with that he passed you, making you feel more miserable than before although there was already some anger boiling inside of you. Maybe you might have reacted wrong back then but that didn’t give him the right to treat you like shit, professor or not. You decided to skip breakfast and stormed after him. He might be a few years older and he might be your teacher but he nevertheless owed you some respect. You could see that he was heading for the lecture hall and before he could close the door, you stepped into the room behind him. 

As he turned round, noticing that you were close to his heels, he wanted to know: “What the hell do you think you’re doing Y/L/N?” You clutched your books to your chest as you shot back: “Just because you’re a teacher doesn’t give you the right to treat me like an inferior human being. You being  a pureblood doesn’t give you the right to treat people like me like scum of society. If I say I’m sorry, then I mean it. And if I’m apologizing, I at least expect a hint of respect to at least acknowledge it. You can’t stand me? Fine, the feeling is mutual. But you should be at least man enough to push your personal hate aside. I have managed to do so for the last three years. And I’m sick and tired of being your own personal punching bag around here.”  

“If you don’t shut it right now Y/L/N you’re going to be suspended from my class for the rest of the year. And I’m pretty curious how you manage to become an auror then”, Roman snapped back with you glaring at him, saying in disbelief: “I really would like to know what I have done to you that you hate me so much.” Roman took a step closer, although he knew that being so close to you really required all of his self-control to not just reach out to you and fulfill his heart’s desire. But instead he just lowered his voice, locked eyes with you and hissed: “Since three years I have to deal with you idiots. Only a handful deserve to be here while all of you little half and mudbloods don’t even deserve a bit of my time. And you are the worst of them all. I don’t give a flying fuck of how many people around here adore you. You are the personification of everything I can’t stand, I hate, I despise. So you better sit down now and shut it. For the rest of the year, I don’t want to hear any other word from you except during those occasions when I’m asking you to answer a question. When you appear to your detention, you are going to sit there for the hours to come and remain completely silent. And I will try my best to ignore you just like I had done in the past because you don’t deserve a bit of my attention. And if you don’t stick to any of those rules, you can be sure that I will sent an unforgivable one your way. Because I can assure you that I won’t face any consequences while doing so." 

You couldn’t believe what you had just heard, simply staring up at him, absolutely speechless. You couldn’t believe that you really thought that there would be something good in this guy. You stiffened your shoulders, held your head high and replied, your voice colder than ice: "Once I am done here - and I will graduate with outstanding everywhere - and once I’m a trained auror, you can bet your ass that I will send you and your people right to Azkaban. And then you will beg that Voldemort would have killed you instead. And you won’t stop me from going my way.” By now you had to hold back your tears as you were passing him to sit down on your seat. You wouldn’t give him the satisfaction of having broken you. You wouldn’t leave due to your heart aching. You would stay there with your head held high, making it through the rest of the year, ignoring the pink violet nebula in your glass ball the best you could. 

As you were sitting there, focussing on an invisible point in front of you, Roman was clenching his fist so hard it hurt. He wanted to punch himself for everything he had just said but he didn’t have another choice, not for his own sake and certainly not for yours. It was best if he would just forget anything he had seen in that ball, if he rebuilt those walls around him that you managed to slowly dig through. He just had to make it for the rest of the year until you would graduate and then he would be able to live in peace again. But no matter how hot willed he was, he could feel his feet dragging him over to your place. It was only the door opening and the sound of the voices of your classmates that made him stop in his tracks and heading for his desk instead.

You made it somehow through the next few weeks, trying to focus on anything else but the incident in DADA or even on the glass ball you had locked away safe in your night stand. You managed to sit through your DADA lectures as well as your detention  by mainly ignoring Roman and only reacting if he gave you a question to answer or wanted you to work on a certain topic during your detention - not that this would have been the case too often. And he decided to ignore you just equally. Instead of giving in and being a crying mess you tried to focus on the yule ball that would take place next week and to feel the excitement anyone showed. Your close friend, that had asked you out in the first place, had become your boyfriend by now and although it certainly was not the big love, it was nevertheless a distraction that you welcomed more than anything else at the moment. You were quite aware that Reigns’ shot a few glares in your direction whenever you saw him in the Great Hall but instead of reacting to it, you just cuddled closer to your boyfriend, blending anything else out. You knew that it was not him your heart ached for but the Samoan at the teacher’s table. But he had made it more than obvious that whatever you had seen in his nebula must have been false. You were even willing to believe that it was a certain kind of legilimency that he he was capable off, putting a certain thought in there that would mess with your mind. Whatever it was, the best you could do, was to just ignore it. And you tried your best to go through with it. 

But there were always moments when your mind betrayed you, when it was reminiscing the dreams that glass ball had saved, when you found yourself in situations where you just wanted them to become reality. “Honey you’re listening to me?”, Y/BF/N questioned, giving you a concerned look. You snapped back out of your daydream, trying to focus on what he was saying, as you mumbled: “Yeah I’m listening.” He looked at you for a moment, before he shrugged his shoulders, saying: “So what do you say? First yule ball and then a private date afterwards?” You were not too keen on that but you weren’t too keen on disagreeing either, hence why you just nodded your head, putting on a little smile as you answered: “Sure why not, sounds great to me.” With a short glance at your watch you realized that you were running late for your detention. Not that you wanted to be there, but you weren’t exactly happy to talk about your yule ball plans with your boyfriend either. Instead you got up, placed a little kiss on his cheek and said: “See you later, I’m running late.” He was giving you an encouraging smile as he said: “If you want me to, I can ask my dad to have him sent to Azkaban right away.” You knew that his father was pretty high in the hierarchy in the Ministry of Magic but with a small smile you shook your head and answered: “Thank you but that’s not necessary. I can handle it on my own." 

With that you waved him goodbye and headed straight to the lecture hall for another detention that would last for longer than you wanted to. Once you reached the door, you knocked, waiting for Reigns’ grumpy answer so you knew you were allowed to enter. As you haven’t heard anything after several knockings, you decided to just fuck it and enter nevertheless. As you entered you noticed that something was wrong. "Professor?”, you questioned into the silence, only to be rewarded with even more silence. You took a deep breath and stepped into the hall, heading for the desk. Your heart instantly sank as you saw Roman lying behind it, not moving. You kneeled down, gently touching his shoulder, repeating his name over and over again. You could see the blood dripping from his nose and you gently laid your palm over his heart. You let out a sigh of relief when you felt that it was still beating, his chest moving slightly. He seemed to be unconscious and for a moment you thought that he had been attacked although you were quite sure that he knew how to defend himself. You frenetic thought about what you should do next and decided that it was best to search for Dumbledore in order to get some help. 

Just as you got up in order to rush for the door, you heard a soft moan. Apparently he was getting back his consciousness. You were kneeling back down, decided not to care about the consequences hence why you softly touched his chin, carefully turning his head to check whether there were more injuries than just his bloody nose. You let out a sigh of relief when you noticed that there wasn’t, only to take a deep breath again as you noticed that he was opening his eyes, locking them with yours, an expression on his face that you couldn’t read. At first you were not sure whether he recognized you but as soon as he tried to slap your hand away, groaning: “What the hell are you doing?” you knew that he perfectly did. He tried to get back to his feet but you realized that he was way too dizzy to do so. You pressed both of your hands against his shoulders, keeping him where he was as you answered: “You might hate me, you might be my teacher but right now you are going to listen to me. I have just found you unconscious on the floor for god knows how long you had been lying there. No one knows what happened and you are in no condition to get back up to your feet as of now. So how about you just take it easy, stay there for a few moments and continue then to despise me?" 

As he was looking up at you, he was quite sure that he saw concern all over your face, making his heart ache even more. He wanted to reach out to you, wanted to touch your face but he couldn’t. Instead he just mumbled: "I know damn well what had happened.” You were handing him a tissue so he could clean his nose, deciding that it was worth it by asking: “Were you attacked?” He glared at you and muttered: “That’s actually none of your business.” You sighed deeply before you answered: “Listen Reigns, I know damn well that it isn’t. But it is me that had found you unconscious. And if you had been attacked Dumbledore should probably know about this." 

"It was none of the students.”, he snapped, trying to get back up to his feet. He was struggling so you helped him. You could tell that he didn’t feel comfortable under your touch and that he wanted to push you away but as he realized that his feet wouldn’t carry him, he let it happen, shifting some of his weight on you until he was sitting safe and sound on his chair. He cleaned his nose, pulling a face as he saw all of the blood and as soon as he was sure that the blood flow stopped, he tossed it into the trash can. You were leaning against his desk, your arms crossed in front of your chest, staring down at him. As he didn’t care to evaluate, you wanted to know: “So who was it if not one of the students?" 

"I have already told you…”, he started with you interrupting him as you said: “… that it is none of my business. I know I know. And I have already told you that I’m not leaving before I have my answer.” He looked at you, his face mirroring so many different emotions, before he wanted to know: “Do you ever accept no as an answer?” You couldn’t help but smile a little as you answered honestly: “Hardly.” It took him a few more minutes until he finally told you: “It was Voldemort.” You immediately went pale as you asked: “He’s here?” Roman shook his head, stopping midway as his headache became almost unbearable. “No he’s not here. But as I have told you before he knows damn well how to use legilimency. He was in my head, messing with my mind, torturing me until I obviously lost consciousness.”, he mumbled, making you gulp hard as you said: “How? I mean how did he get into your mind? I thought you knew occlumency. How did he torture you?” Roman remained silent as he was reliving the nightmare he had to go through. Voldemort somehow managed to make his way into his mind and he made him see and feel things that he couldn’t bear. He planted pictures of you being tortured in his mind, of Roman having to watch you die while he was crying over your body. He sure as hell wouldn’t share that with you, he simply couldn’t. 

“It doesn’t matter how the torture looked like. It was my own fault, I let down my guards and paid the price for it.”, he mumbled, avoiding to look at you. The concern, compassion and hurt on your face was more than he could take. “Are you sure that you are alright?”, you wanted to know, not willing to give up that easy. He looked back up at you, slowly nodding his head, saying: “I will be my old self as soon as the headache’s gone but thank you for your concern Y/L/N. I guess we can skip on the detention today. You should go and enjoy the time off with your boyfriend.” He tried to say it neutral but you were quite sure that his voice cracked a little bit during that sentence. A sad smile appeared on your face as you said: “Enjoying is not really the correct word. You really think that I shouldn’t get you help?" 

"I’m not dead Y/L/N, I will be fine. Just leave.”, he groaned with you taking another deep breath before you grabbed your books and headed for the door. Before you left, you turned round and said: “You know Professor? If you would just drop that mask of yours from time to time, people might see that you are not what they think you are. Maybe someone other than me will have more success because I already failed the moment I tried.” With that you left the lecture hall, letting Roman back all by himself. As he stared at the closed door he mumbled: “You have succeeded the moment you tried, I just haven’t let you known.” He could feel his emotions almost taking over although he forbid himself to do so. He promised that he would keep you safe from Voldemort and if that meant to make you hate him even more, he would do anything in the world to make that happen. He was sure that Voldemort could hear him as he gritted through his teeth: “You are not going to hurt her. And if I have to die to keep her safe I will.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: little bit of angst, fluff
> 
> Originally published here: https://reignmyworld.tumblr.com/post/178497081842/a-dream-is-a-wish-your-heart-makes-part-5-roman

The week counting down the days to the yule ball passed faster than expected. Especially since all of the professors had agreed to give you time off so you could help in decorating the Great Hall for the ball. You had barely seen Roman and whenever he crossed your path, he just nodded in order to recognize your presence. You really wondered what terrible things Voldemort had shown him. You and your boyfriend were still dating but if you were honest, you hadn’t really appreciated his presence the way you thought you would. Of course, he had been a distraction at first but ever since that incident during detention one week ago, you had returned to carry the glass ball with you, living through those dreams again and again. At first you really thought that it was pure desire but by now, you had to admit that you wanted to get to know him, that your heart always jumped whenever you saw one of his rare smiles. You wanted to fall asleep next to him and kiss him awake the next day. And if his heart’s wish was true indeed, Roman felt the same, although neither of you seemed to be able to send out one simple signal that you could feel anything but hate or disapproval towards each other. You we’re still trapped between hoping that your graduation would finally just come and between hoping that it would stay far in the distance. 

You sighed to yourself as you were eyeing your picture in the mirror. Today was finally the day of the yule ball and although you were kind of looking forward to it, at the same time you just wanted to stay in bed, far away from all of those happy couples down there. You let your hands wander over your dress and you had to admit that you were glad that you bought it although not having tried it on in advance. It was love at first sight after all and you looked absolutely amazing in it. It was a beautiful long golden dress with a fitting cleavage in the front and in the back. 

Before your best friend left as her boyfriend had picked her up, she was in total awe, telling you again and again how beautiful you looked and that your boyfriend was an ass for letting you know that he would meet you later since the quidditch game he went to, would not be over in time to make it to the ball’s start. You were disappointed at first but that didn’t stop you from going there without him. You took the little glass ball and stored it in a pendant that would cover it up, attached to a chain that would keep it safe around your neck. For anyone else it would just look like a normal necklace, but you knew what kind of treasure it contained. With one last look you decided that you looked more than just slightly representative hence why you left your dorm in order to head down to the Great Hall. You met quite a few people, that you exchanged a few words with, every single one of them telling you how absolutely stunning you looked. 

As soon as you reached the Great Hall, you realized that it looked absolutely beautiful, representing a magical winter wonderland. You saw a lot of familiar faces, students from the school as well as the university quite alike. You made your way through the crowd, trying to find your best friend. As you let your eyes wander, you noticed all of the professors standing at the head of the room, gulping hard as you saw him. He looked absolutely stunning. His pitch black hair tied up in a bun, his suit as well as his button down equally black, his usual dangerous and mysterious aura surrounding him. 

Roman wanted to be anywhere but here but tradition required that the professors would attend as well. “Don’t worry Roman, you’re going to make it through the ball just fine” ,Dumbledore winked at him as he knew that Roman wanted to be here even less than Snape. “I hope so” , Roman mumbled, hating to be exposed like that to anyone as he had noticed all of the glares and conversations behind hands directed towards him. As he looked around his breath hitched as he saw you in the crowd. He wasn’t even sure whether you had noticed him or not, but he took the chance to take a closer look at you. You were even more beautiful than usually, for him you seemed to glow. He was peeking around whether your boyfriend was near but he couldn’t find him, no matter how much he looked for him. 

As he wanted to shift his attention back to you, you already vanished into the crowd, making him curse slightly under his breath. But he didn’t have much time to think about it as there was another topic he had to worry about. He didn’t trust his ears as Dumbledore said: “My beloved students, welcome to our yule ball. I want to thank each and everyone of you that had helped to make this evening something special. To anyone, that had helped decorating the Great Hall, let me tell you that you had done a fantastic job. I know that it can be intimidating to officially start this ball so we will help you in doing so.  I’m asking you, my valued colleagues, to start this evening with a dance so our students realize that it’s not that bad at all. Please find yourself a partner, be it another professor or one of the older students, that is willing to have the first dance of the evening with you. And as I notice some of your shocked expressions, there will be no excuses. If we want our students to have a good time by dancing and enjoying themselves we should be good role models ourselves.” With that he winked at Roman, who wanted to kill the old wizard, before he took McGonagall’s hand, leading her to the dance floor.   
Roman searched for a good way to escape that situation but he could tell that he had barely any chance as more and more of his colleagues followed Dumbledore’s example. Out of the corner of his eye he saw that even Snape did what he was told. A short glance told him that some of the younger, beloved teachers were asking students of the senior year to join them for their first dance. "Fuck my life", he mumbled as he realized that more and more eyes were turning towards him, probably to make sure not to miss how he would fuck the situation up. 

You were standing by one of the tables and grabbed a drink while you couldn’t help but smirk at Dumbledore’s statement. Right now you were just glad that you were not a teacher, being part of that misery. As you took a sip of your drink you realized that the aura around you had changed. Suddenly there was a lot of mumbling and gasping before you realized that the ones standing closest to you took some steps back. You looked at them and saw their angsty expressions, not really sure what you should make out of that. It didn’t take long until you got your answer as you heard a deep voice asking you: “Would you do me the honor of joining me for this dance?" 

You gulped hard as you turned around, looking directly into Roman’s dark brown eyes. You crooked an eyebrow as you wanted to know - your voice showing more confidence than you felt: "Out of all the people around here you are asking me? Should I remind you that you absolutely despise me?” He looked at you with a sad smile before he answered: “Not absolutely, just a bit. I know that there probably would be a thousand things you would prefer doing right now, but of all the people around here, you always seemed to be the one, that didn’t hate me as much as the other ones. And the one, that didn’t fear me as much as the other ones. I can promise you that I wouldn’t be asking if Dumbledore hadn’t made his little statement. And… well… I would be forever grateful if you could help me out as much as I hate to admit that.” You looked at him, trying to make up your mind. If you were honest, you really felt sorry for him, no matter how nasty he had been to you in the past. Besides that, the glass ball in your necklace seemed to urge you to give up your resistance. You took a deep breath before you took the hand he was reaching out to you, putting on a little smile and saying: “You having to be forever grateful due to a mudblood helping you out should be worth it.” You noticed that he slightly flinched as you said that terrible word but you decided to ignore it while he was guiding you to the dance floor with everyone basically eyeing you in utter shock and disbelief. 

You noticed your best friend, that looked close to fainting, as Roman pulled you closer, taking one of your hands into his while he placed his other one on your lower back with you letting your hand rest on his arm before moving to the music. You tried to ignore the weight of your necklace, tried to ignore all of the muttering around you and just tried to focus on the task at hand - not failing and falling. Roman was pressing you closer to his body and you noticed that you didn’t even care - quite the contrary actually… it felt as if that was exactly how it was supposed to be. You somehow felt safe while he was holding you close. You were trapped in your thoughts, not even realizing that he had been bowing down a little bit until you heard him whisper into your ear: “Thank you for helping me out. I know this must be terrible for you, so I really appreciate it. And I know quite well that I don’t deserve your help.” with you replying: “You’re welcome, I guess. If I can help, I’m willing to do so. Even if it is people that dislike me." 

"You have no idea how wrong you are”, he mumbled as quietly as possible, making you question your ears. “I beg your pardon?”, you tried your luck with him responding: “Nothing, it wasn’t of importance.” As you were dancing with him, you hadn’t a problem forgetting anything and anyone around you. His hand was slowly moving up, you couldn’t tell whether it was intentionally or unintentionally, but feeling his fingertips on your bare back sent shivers down your spine. You bit your lip to suppress any sound, that might have found its way out otherwise, and just tried to make it through this dance the best you could. Suddenly the pictures of your dream were omni-present and you had to stop yourself from pulling his face down, trying to figure out whether his lips were as soft and gentle as your dream promised them to be. But it was not only you, that needed all of the self-control there was, but so did Roman. Holding you in his arms, feeling you so close to him was enough to think about all those things he wanted to do to you and yet that weren’t supposed to be. He imagined how it would be like if he could open up to you, tell you about his fears, his past, his feelings for you with you understanding finally why he treated you like he did throughout all of those years, but he simply couldn’t. 

As the music ended, he didn’t seem as if he wanted to let go of you and you didn’t really care as you could have continued like that for the rest of the night. But it was not meant to be as you suddenly heard a familiar voice, that hissed: “Do you mind giving me back my girlfriend, Professor?” You turned around, looking into the pissed off face of your boyfriend that you wished to the moon right now. You could feel how Roman’s muscles tensed under your hand as he was shooting a deathly glare towards your boyfriend until he seemed to remember where he was and that the whole school was watching. So he let go of you and with a sly smirk he turned to your boyfriend, saying: “Not at all, you can have her back.” However, he leaned down to you, not caring about what anyone might think, before he placed a gentle kiss on your cheek, whispering: “Thank you for the dance.” Before you were able to react, however, he was already gone, heading back to the area, where the teachers would be supervising everything that was happening.

“What was that?”, your boyfriend groaned as he stepped into the position Roman had occupied just seconds before. “What was what exactly?”, you snapped before you added: “He had asked me for a dance and I had agreed to dance with him. It’s no big deal.” Y/BF/N looked at you in disbelief as he answered: “Seriously Y/N? That guy is not only dangerous but also deadly. He shouldn’t even be here but locked away in Azkaban with no other soul than some dementors taking care of him. Your compassion for everyone will be the death of you some day.” You groaned as you answered: “Stop being so damn over dramatic. It was a dance, nothing more and nothing less. If you had been around from the very beginning it wouldn’t had come to such a situation.” He gave you an apologizing look as he said: “I know honey, you are right and I’m sorry. I don’t want to argue with you, not tonight. Can we just forget about it and you do me the honor of dancing with me this time?” You didn’t really feel like doing so, but for the sake of peace you agreed to it. As Y/BF/N was holding you close, you couldn’t help but think that it just didn’t feel right. You knew that it was mean but it was your professor you wanted to hold you in his arms. 

However, you just tried to make the best out of it by dancing with him to the music. You didn’t even notice, that you were drawing nearer to the teacher’s corner, as you were completely trapped in your thoughts.The next thing you could remember was your boyfriend nibbling on your neck, before he turned his attention back to you, saying: “Seriously Y/N, I just want to repeat myself. Reigns is the right hand of him-who-shall-not-be-named. He’s just as much of a monster like his leader. It’s no big secret that his whole family is beyond cruel and he is said to be You know Who’s most loyal servant. How can you be so stupid to think that there is even a tiny bit of good in this person? He is evil through and through and the world would be a better place if he just didn’t exist anymore." 

You looked at him in shock, seeing in the corner of your eye that you were dancing in front of Roman and your asshole boyfriend obviously had waited for exactly that moment, so he would hear anything. You were not sure but you thought that you saw hurt on his face for a brief second before it vanished again. "Shut it for fuck’s sake.”, you hissed with your boyfriend replying: “Why? Do you think that I care whether he hears it or not? Let’s be honest… You are thinking the exact same thing. I can see it in your eyes.” You were speechless and just stared at him in disbelief. What the hell did he think he was doing? As you turned your head you could see that Roman was clenching his fists before he turned around, heading for the door. You didn’t have to see his face to know that those words must have hurt him more than he wanted to admit. “You are a fucking asshole, I hope you know that.”, you snapped, before slapping Y/BF/N, trying to get away from him as fast as possible. You heard him call your name but you didn’t bother to stop in your tracks as you had a way more important destination. You had no idea, where Reigns headed to, but his lecture hall seemed like a pretty good guess. 

Once you reached it, you slightly knocked on the door. As you couldn’t hear anything on the other side, you just went in. It didn’t really surprise you to find him sitting at his desk. He didn’t even look up as he groaned: “What do you want Y/L/N?” You inhaled deeply as you answered: “First of all it’s Y/N. And I just wanted to check whether you are okay.” You didn’t even care whether he wanted to see you or not as you moved closer. “Oh really? You sure you don’t just want to repeat anything your boyfriend had said but with your own words this time? If so, go ahead but hurry up. My time is precious and it’s not like I’m hearing that shit for the first time ever.”, he shot at you with you firing back: “I’m not responsible for that asshole’s opinion nor for his words. You should start to learn the difference." 

"And you should just go back to him and stop annoying me, Y/N. I have better things to do than listening to your bullshit." 

"Oh like running from your feelings, you mean?”, you shot at him before you added: “Judging from your whole behavior someone could get the impression that you’re jealous.” Roman let out a cold laugh as he said: “Don’t ridicule yourself. First of all, I have no reason to be jealous of anyone. And second of all, what feelings should I be running from?” You had enough, enough of this whole I can’t stand him, I hate him, I despise him. You wanted to know the truth, you wanted to know what this green nebula was all about. So you took your necklace, opened the pendant and got out the little glass ball, that you were holding under his nose, hissing: “Oh I don’t know. Maybe the ones, that had been saved in here.”

He turned pale the second he realized what you were holding in your hands. “This is an absolute nightmare”, Roman thought while staring at the little glass ball, avoiding to meet your eyes. He tried to somehow safe the situation by regaining his composure, putting his mask back on and saying: “I have no idea what the hell you are talking about.” You felt anger boiling inside of you as you hissed: “Don’t play dumb with me. You know damn well what I am talking about. You know damn well what I am holding in my hand and you fucking know damn well what you had dreamt about.” You couldn’t tell which emotion dominated your actions -  your anger, your embarrassment, your desire…. But you at least could tell that you were sick of this game of hide and seek. By now you had reached a point where you admitted to yourself, that you had deeper feelings for him and that they had been there for quite some time although you tried to hide it. Knowing that he felt something for you as well, made your heart skip a beat. But him acting as if all of this was just made up hurt you more than you wanted to admit. 

“How about we’re not talking about me but about you instead? Fine, I’ll admit that this green nebula belongs to me but we both know that the pink one is yours. So how about you stop running?”, he hissed at you and you could tell that his facade was about to drop. “You know what? I’m surely not playing one of your stupid mind games. I have tried to be nice to you from the very beginning. I tried to see more in you than anyone else around here with you being an asshole, making it clear that you don’t want anyone to get to know the real you. You want the truth? Fine, one of us has to be adult enough. I didn’t want to admit it but I fell for you, probably even a long time ago. But I sure as hell won’t drop to my knees, begging you to notice me. I have seen your dream, I have seen what your heart desires and I know that it equals mine. And if you are not a fucking coward, you should start acting on it. And I don’t give a flying damn whether you are my professor or not, whether it’s allowed or not and I sure as hell don’t give a fuck about your past”, you got out, knowing damn well that you could have made a huge fool out of yourself right now. 

Roman tried to process everything you had just said. He felt a huge relief hearing your words, but at the same time a huge sadness overcame him as he thought about your torture Voldemort had shown him. He loved you, there was no denying it, but he wasn’t allowed to, not if he wanted to keep you save. You waited for an answer, a reaction, anything. But he remained silent, causing your heart to sink. Obviously the nebula was really just a sick trick and you fell for it. You wanted to vanish into thin air, wanted to be anywhere but here. You tried to hold back the tears, primarily because you felt so betrayed in that moment. You wanted to throw the glass ball to the ground, watching it shatter into thousands of pieces but instead you just resigned, putting it back into your pendant, closing it. With a voice heavy with sadness you said: “I knew that it was wrong falling for someone like you” and with that you turned around, intending to head for the door. 

Before you could make a single step, however, Roman was grabbing your wrist, spinning you around, before he pulled you closer, kissing you with all the despair he was feeling. You were taken by surprise but it didn’t take you long to adjust to the situation, wrapping your arms around his neck, replying to his kiss in an equal manner. As you broke apart, he decided that he owed you to come clean with you. He laid his forehead against yours as he whispered: “I have fallen for you a long time before. There is nothing else I would want more than be with you, hold you in my arms, have you by my side. I want to love you with all my heart. But I can’t. I can’t for your own sake. You don’t know my past. You don’t know that I’m on top of the list of the people Voldemort wants to see dead. And most importantly of all you don’t know what he is capable of. You being with me would mean him coming after you, him torturing you, him killing you. And that is something I can’t let happen. And if that means bottling up my feelings for the rest of my life, going away, leaving all of this - you - behind, then so be it. I’d rather live with the knowledge of you being safe due to me not giving in on my feelings than watching you die, just because I dare to love you." 

By now tears were falling on your cheeks and you couldn’t tell whether it were his or your own. You placed another soft kiss on his lips before you whispered: "I don’t care. I don’t care about any of this. Betraying my heart, not being with you would mean my death anyway - not the same one of course but not less painful. I’m not letting you go because of a damn vision. You can’t just ignore any of that because it might be dangerous. I appreciate your concern, I really do. But if you really love me and if you really want me to be by your side, then it is a risk I’m willing to take with all its consequences.” You didn’t dare to hope that his answer would be anything else but refusal. Roman knew that he should just push you away, that he needed to in order to keep you safe. But at the same time he just couldn’t. His heart was aching for you, was aching for someone he could be himself with, someone he could tell about his past, his fears, someone who would understand him and love him just the way he was. And he knew that this someone was you. He knew it from the moment on he first locked eyes with you. And if that meant that he would have to do everything in his power to keep you safe, to protect you from the wizard he despised so much, from his own family he hated to the bone, then so be it. Instead of answering, he was capturing your lips in another kiss, hoping that you were able to grasp anything he felt for you. 

As you broke apart, he mumbled: “I will do anything to keep you safe. And if it means dying for you I’m willing to go that path.” Your heart skipped a beat as you heard his words, instantly knowing that he meant everything he said. There were a lot of things you would have to talk about, a lot of things he would have to explain to you, but right now you wanted to feel every single bit of him, hence why you whispered in his ear: “You know how they say that your dream is a wish your heart makes? I’m more than ready to finally act on that wish.” Without thinking twice Roman knew what you were talking about and if he was honest to himself, he waited way too long to act on his feelings as well. He wanted you, he wanted to hear you moan his name while you were screaming out in pleasure, he wanted to feel your naked skin on his own and he wanted to bury himself inside of you, being physically as close to you as he could. and most of all, he wanted that now.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: smut, fluff
> 
> Originally published here: https://reignmyworld.tumblr.com/post/178713266658/a-dream-is-a-wish-your-heart-makes-part-6-roman

Without letting his further concerns overwhelm him, Roman pulled you closer to his body, kissing you passionately with you responding right away. His fingertips softly traced over your bare back, sending shivers down your spin. As you broke apart he mumbled a few words, locking the door in order to make sure that no-one would interrupt you. He backed you up against his desk, carefully undoing the zipper of your dress while doing so, not leaving your lips for just a second. You could feel his hands on your shoulders as he carefully slid the straps of your dress down with it falling to the floor just seconds after. You were gently rubbing the back of his neck, fully enjoying the feeling of his tongue being intervened in a tango with your own. You tugged on his jacket as well as his button up, letting Roman know that he should get rid off both of them. 

He broke the kiss, smiling down at you before he followed your lead, tossing both of them to the floor, while you were watching his defined bare chest, not even caring that you yourself weren’t wearing anything else but your panties anymore. You reached out for his chest, gently tracing his tattoo, following its line all along down his arm. As you were close to his wrist, he wanted to get away from your touch out of pure reflex, but you gently grabbed his arm, carefully tracing over the Dark Mark, that he had tried to cover up with the rest of the tattoo. “Don’t”, you whispered, gently cupping his cheek and rubbing over it, before you added: “Our past belongs to us just like our future does. I won’t damn you because of who you used to be.” With that you tiptoed in order to place another gentle kiss on his lips, Roman responding to it right away. As you broke apart, he wanted to know: “Why are you not afraid of me?” You crooked an eyebrow before smiling at him, saying: “Why should I? Do I have a reason to? I always believed that there was a lot of good in you." 

You could see his eyes glistening for a bit before he leaned down in order to gently suck on your neck, leaving a hickey here and there, marking you as his, before he got down on his knees, all while kissing over your breasts, your stomach and finally placing soft kisses on your waist. He looked up at you as if he wanted your approval first and as you nodded your head in agreement he slowly tugged on your panties, undressing you completely before getting back up to his feet, lifting you up and placing you on top of his desk. He opened your legs and just as you were about to lose the belt on his pants he stopped you in your tracks, mumbling: "No sweetheart, right now it is all about you.” With that he sank back to his knees, pushing your legs a little further open, placing them on each of his shoulders. You gulped hard as you knew what was about to come and your whole body was already shivering in anticipation, eagerly awaiting his touch on your most sensitive spot. 

Roman looked up at you, winking and whispering: “Relax baby girl.“ With that he pressed his lips against your warm and wet folds, finding out on his own how aroused you already were. His lips were barely touching you, but it was already enough to make you moan out in pleasure. Roman took his time to kiss and lick you gently while his thumb was rubbing over your clit, sending shivers over your body as you moaned out his name, feeling him grin against your pussy. In the back of your mind you realized that he knew damn well what he was doing. As he pushed his tongue inside you, you gasped out loud. "Oh my god…”, you moaned, your chest heaving fast as you watched his head move between your legs. You automatically bucked your hips against his face while his free arm around your waist, pressed you down, keeping you where you were supposed to be. “You taste so fucking amazing”, you heard his deep voice before you screamed out in pleasure as his lips were sucking on your clit, his tongue following their example while he slowly pushed one finger inside of you, being joined by a second one shortly after, moving them just in the right pace. 

You groaned out loud as you kept running your hands along his neck, before you got a hold of his hair, pulling it while he groaned out in pain and pleasure quite alike. “Oh my fucking god this feels so good”, you breathed heavily while Roman picked up the pace of his fingers moving in and out of you while his tongue and lips continued their sweet torture on your clit. You had no doubt that he was enjoying it just as much as you were. You had no idea how long he kept fingering you, making sure that he licked your juices up right away. But after what felt like a long yet sweet agony you cried out loud as your walls clenched around his fingers, you coming heavily on them while you were screaming out his name in pure pleasure and ecstasy. Roman pulled his fingers out, taking his time to lick you a bit longer in order to make sure that none of your juices would be wasted, before he got up, licking his fingers and leaning down to you in order to kiss you passionately while you could taste yourself on his tongue and his lips quite alike. 

As you broke apart both of your were breathing heavily and you smiled up at him, barely being able to catch your breath as you whispered: “That was absolutely amazing.” You heard his deep chuckle as he said: “Oh no baby girl, we’re not done yet. Actually we’re far from it.” With that he leaned down, sucking gently on your nipples, before he bit into them with more force, making you moan out once again. He put just the right pressure on it that pleasure and pain were equally presented while he started squeezing your breasts with his big hands. You were tossing your head back, not caring who could hear you as you were enjoying every little touch and bite he had to offer. Blindly you fumbled for the zipper of his pants to get him out of the last piece of clothing that was covering him up. As much as you loved this kind of foreplay, suddenly your and his dream kept occupying your thoughts and the only thing you preferred even more than his tongue caressing your clit was his dick inside of you and quite frankly you desired that now.

As Roman realized that you were impatiently trying to open his zipper, he stopped his assault on you, taking a step back and looking down at you with the same look he had scolded you so often before when he put you down in front of the whole lecture hall. You could hear the amusement in his voice as he wanted to know: “Could it be that you are slightly impatient, baby girl?” You rolled your eyes as you replied: “Let’s just say I have a vivid image of mine and your dream in my head and right now I can’t wait to act on it. And as much as I love you eating me out, I can’t wait for you to fuck me, professor.” He crashed his lips on yours, giving you a longing yet passionate kiss while he stripped out of his pants, his dick hard and ready for him to take you. As you broke apart, both of you were breathing heavy as he groaned: “Dammit Y/N, I would have never expected that you could be that naughty." 

“Only if you are concerned”, you winked at him, taking in the sight of his defined, naked body. He was beautiful, every single part of him and you couldn’t wait until your walls would finally clench around his dick. You licked over your lips and just as you wanted to slide down from the desk in order to take a taste of him, Roman kept you firm where you were. As you looked up at him questioningly, he smirked at you, saying: “ Baby girl, as much as I would love you to suck on me, it is you that said something about wanting to feel my dick inside of you. And I’m not willing on skipping on that as of now. So be a good girl and spread those legs a little further for me, so we both can watch our desires become reality.” Hearing him say those words, that you have been waiting for for so long , - even without knowing it - worked you up even more and as you took a deep breath, you were doing what he had told you, while Roman had your thighs in a tight grip, guiding them where exactly he wanted to have them. 

You looked down between your bodies and saw how he was positioning himself in front of your entrance, his dick more than just ready to give you the pleasure you were waiting for. You grabbed his cock, guiding it closer to your wet folds, looking into his eyes while he looked down at you with an eyebrow crooked. Both of you extended the tension to a maximum and as you slowly guided his dick through your wet folds, you slightly bucked your hips, just in the same moment Roman met you with his thrust, burying himself deep inside of you while you gasped out in surprise and pleasure quite alike. Hearing his deep moan only added to the sudden sensation you were feeling in that moment. He grabbed your thighs and pulled you closer to the edge of his desk, ensuring that he would have easier access while he forced you to keep your legs wide open. You leaned down on your elbows, supporting your body while you were watching him, waiting for him to make his next move. 

As his hands left your thighs, he placed them on your hips so you couldn’t move away from him before he leaned down, kissing you passionately. As he broke the kiss, he locked eyes with yours, a little smile on his face, asking: “Are you really sure that you want to sleep with a former death eater?” You cupped his cheek as you whispered: “Even if you were a current one, my answer would be yes. I have tried to fight against what my heart aches for, for way too long. It’s time to finally act on it.” You could see the relief on his face as he was placing little kisses on your jawline before he began nibbling on your neck while slowly pulling out of you, only to shove his length back in right afterwards.You moaned out in pleasure, gently caressing his neck as he sat his own rhythm while you laid one of your hands on his hips, pulling him closer as he pulled out again only to bury himself once more. You didn’t know what you had expected but him being as gentle as he was, was not really top of the list. Actually you would have expected that he would bend you over the desk and have his way with you without any second thoughts. And you were quite sure that he indeed was capable of fucking you roughly but right now you enjoyed him being as gentle with you as he currently was.   
You tried to wrap your legs around his waist but Roman made sure that you were not really able to move. Just as you broke your kiss and wanted to ask what was going on, he winked at you, mumbling: “You know that it gives me deeper access when you stay in the position that you are in, don’t you?” and to back up his words he was slamming into you with one deep thrust, going deeper than he had before, sending a different kind of sensation through your body. You gasped out in surprise, digging your nails in his hip as he pulled out of you for a bit before he pushed himself back in. “You haven’t promised too much”, you smiled up at him, enjoying every thrust he was gracing you with more than the one before. As he was picking up some pace, ponding into you with a little more force you didn’t even care that you were moaning out his name by now, him equalling your pleasure as you heard your own name leaving his lips. 

You supported your body by resting on your elbows again and watching his dick leave you just enough so you could see the tip still being buried between your folds before he pushed back in, which turned you on more than you would have thought. Of course, you had sex with other guys before but it was him that obviously knew how to fuck you the right way, so you would draw the most pleasure out of it. It felt as if you had found your missing piece in him, that one that made you feel complete. You were throwing your head back in pure bliss as he held your body close to his, deepening the connection between the both of you even more. “Oh fuck yes, just like that”, you moaned, not being ashamed of showing him how much you were enjoying feeling his dick inside you. You felt how one of his hands left your hips and just as you wanted to take a look where he would put it, you already felt how his fingers circled your clit, making you even wetter than you had been before. 

“Fuck baby girl, I always thought that fucking you would feel good but I had no idea that it would be so damn amazing.”, Roman groaned, pulling out of you almost completely before he pushed himself back in. As his other hand left your hips as well to travel to your breasts, squeezing them tightly, you took the opportunity to push yourself up and wrapping your hands around his neck while your legs followed their example, crossing them over his butt so that you were chest to chest now, your breasts rubbing against his chest, both of your skins sweaty by now. You kissed him passionately with Roman responding right away before you broke apart. He leaned forward so he could whisper in your ear: “If you want me to fuck you harder, you just have to let me know, baby." 

Before you could say a word there was a loud knocking on the door. You and Roman immediately stopped in your tracks, listening closely. "Does anyone know that you’re here?”, Roman whispered with you shaking your head. At least you hadn’t talked to anyone. There was another loud knocking, followed by a voice, that you only knew too well. “Y/N, are you in there? Talk to me baby. Reigns, I swear to god, should she be in there and should you filthy animal harm her, I’m personally making sure that you rot to pieces in Azkaban.”, Y/BF/N yelled. “For fuck’s sake.”, you groaned, burying your face at Roman’s shoulder. He was moving slightly, carefully grabbing your chin, making you look at him. You could see the unasked question on his face as you already whispered: “After what he had said and seeing you vanish, I left him where he was, not saying another word to him. He probably had figured in the meantime that I went searching for you.” You could hear him knocking again, followed by a “Come on Y/N, I know that you are in there. Don’t tell me that you have been desperate enough to spread your legs for that monster." 

You saw Roman’s expression change as you gently cupped his cheek, whispering: "Don’t you dare listening to him and his nasty words.” He looked at you as he groaned: “He may be your boyfriend but have you slept with him?” You were puzzled due to this question but truthfully you responded: “What? No I haven’t. I couldn’t have done so. The only man occupying my mind was you." 

“Perfect, because you are mine and mine only.“, he groaned and to back his words up, he once again thrusted into you, kissing you hard at the same time to muffle the moan, that escaped your mouth. He started moving again, ponding into you in a slower pace while you were holding on to his shoulders, both of you staying as quiet as somehow possible. Your heart almost sank when you heard the distant "Alohomora” from the other side of the door and you were already bracing yourself for the door being opened the next second. “Don’t worry, I have locked it securely. It won’t open due to one spell.”, Roman said, breathing heavy into your ear, sending shivers down your spine. As the knocking and the cursing at the door increased, he was winking at you as he mumbled: “We should probably continue in my own four walls." 

He noticed the questioning look on your face as he put a strain of hair behind your ear, whispering: "What? Don’t tell me that you had never asked yourself where the door at the end of the lecture hall leads to?” Of course you had, but you would have never guessed that it was a direct way to his apartment. You wanted to move, wanted to push him away so you could make your way over to a more secure place but before you could do so, he was already lifting you up, still buried deep inside of you while you were tightening the hold of your legs around his waist, a surprised sound escaping your mouth. You saw the desire in his eyes as he mumbled: “What? I’m certainly not willing to let go just a piece of you, now that I finally have you after having waited for so long.” He mumbled a short spell and you saw that your clothes vanished, probably re-appearing in his apartment, before he carried you over as well, your walls clenching tightly around his dick while he did so.

Just seconds later, he closed the door behind him, carrying you over to his bedroom, only to fall on the bed on top of you shortly after. You felt guilty as you said: “I swear I had no idea that he might come in order to look after me. He’s a pig and I can’t tell you how sorry I am for his disgusting words. I…” Before you could add another word Roman was kissing you passionately again, silencing you effectively. As he broke the kiss, he was gently tracing his fingertips over your cheek as he whispered: “Stop apologizing for the misbehavior of others. I know that those aren’t your words. But maybe I should go after him once we are done here.” You could hear the sadness in his voice although he tried to hide it with a sly smirk. You shook your head, answering: “He wouldn’t be worth the effort. People like him think they own the world, especially if they just have to call their fathers to take care of anything they don’t want to deal with themselves." 

"Yeah I know that they are.”, he mumbled, studying your face as you were smiling up at him. You framed his face with your hands, pulling him closer, gently kissing him. Roman responded to it quite alike before your kisses grew more and more passionate. As soon as you broke apart, you mumbled: “I think we should forget about this wanker as of now.” He was smirking down at you, sucking on your neck, drawing a moan from your lips before he wanted to know: “Is that so? And how exactly should we forget about him?"   
"Oh I don’t know”, you mumbled, scratching with your nails over his back, sending shivers down his spine, before you whispered: “How about you keep fucking me?" 

"That’s something you don’t have to tell me twice, baby girl.” , he groaned before he left you just long enough so he could push himself back into you, slowly but steadily increasing not only his pace but his force as well. You let your hands roam over his back, holding on to his body as he was fucking you - absolutely gently at first, but going rougher with each thrust he was burying himself in you with. You were moaning his name in pleasure, not wasting any more thoughts on your soon to be ex- boyfriend. You would take care of this issue some time later but right now being held by the man you loved, making love to him like you never had done to anyone before, was all that mattered. “Feel free to go a little rougher with me, I know you’re holding back and I certainly don’t want you to.”, you breathed out heavily. He knew exactly how he had to take you to give you the most pleasure and somehow it felt as if you had spent many nights with him before. “Don’t ask for things that might scare you in the end”, he groaned as he was thrusting into you hard, making you scream out the very second he went deeper than he had before. 

“Oh fuck”, you exhaled while you clung to his body, meeting each thrust by bucking your hips, increasing the sensation for the both of you. You could feel that he was still holding back but you didn’t want to complain as of now. If you were honest, you didn’t even know if you could take more than he was willing to offer right now. “Dammit Y/N I could go on like this forever. You feel so damn good, sweetheart.”, Roman groaned in your ear as he was keeping up with the rhythm he had set before while you felt your walls clenching around his dick, quite aware that you would stumble over the edge quite soon if he would continue like that. You were capturing his lips in another passionate kiss, your tongues moving in the same rhythm your bodies did. 

After breaking apart, you locked eyes with him, mumbling: “Let me be on top of you.” He was crooking an eyebrow as he asked: “Come again?” You smirked up at him as you mumbled: “I have seen your dream, Roman. In that one I was riding you. Let’s stick to it.” You winked at him as he was staring at you, lust written all over his face. “I wouldn’t dare to disagree with you.”, he groaned and in one swift move he rolled the both of you over so you were on top of him. You smiled down at him, placing a soft kiss on his lips before you sat up in his lap, taking him in a little deeper than before, drawing a satisfied sigh from your lips while he moaned out in pleasure. You placed your hands on his chest as you started rocking back and forth on top of him carefully, while his hands began roaming your upper body, cupping your breasts and squeezing them tightly, his eyes never leaving you. 

Your necklace with the glass ball in it was moving in the rhythm you had set. Your hands roamed over his chest, your fingertips softly following the pattern of his tattoo while you lifted your hips, staying in that position for a little bit before you fully sank down on him again in a slow and agonizing rhythm. “Fuck it, baby, just like that”, Roman groaned, his hands leaving your breasts, moving to your back only to rest on your butt seconds after. He gave you a soft clap before he started squeezing your butt cheeks. You leaned down to him, biting him in the crook of his neck, before you whispered into his ear: “Do you want me to ride you harder ,professor?” Instead of answering, he was grabbing the back of your neck, bringing your face in front of his, kissing you passionately, his tongue invading your mouth without asking for invitation, all while bucking his hips, meeting you halfway while you were sinking down on him, repeating it again and again.

After breaking the kiss he sucked on your neck, leaving a visible mark there before he muttered: “I want you to fuck me like you had never fucked another man before and like you will never fuck another man after, Y/N. Just like I want to fuck you the same way.” You moaned out loud, his words turning you on more than you could say. You increased your pace, taking him in as deep as you could, your walls tightening around his dick, while his length was moving inside of your pussy. “Oh fuck.”, you exclaimed as Roman was pulling you closer, sitting up on the bed, you still on top of him as he held you close to his body, thrusting into you in the rhythm you had set. He was wrapping his arms around you, your breasts moving against his chest while you wrapped your hands around his neck, capturing his lips in a longing kiss, muffling each other’s moans while doing so. 

You were quite sure that you could still hear the curses your boyfriend was yelling but you couldn’t have cared less as being in the arms of the only man you ever loved, the only man you wanted to be with was the only thing that mattered right now. You could feel that he was close to shooting his load inside of you as you could feel his dick twitching against your walls. Before he was able to say something you mumbled: “Just let go, I’m close behind.” He didn’t need more than a few additional thrusts into you until he shot his load with your walls clenching around his length just seconds after, riding out your intense orgasm on top of him while he was holding you close to his body, meeting your every move  although your rhythm had become slower and sloppier by now. 

He was capturing your lips in another kiss, not willing to let go of you after having shared your most intimate moment as of now. You were smiling down at him, his own smile equaling yours. “You’re the best thing, that has ever happened to me”, he mumbled and you couldn’t help but giggle as you wanted to know rather amused: “Have you just waited for the exact moment to repeat the words of your dream?" 

"That was pure coincidence.”, he chuckled before placing tiny kisses on your neck, that caused you to sigh in pleasure. Roman rolled the both of you over, slowly pulling out of you while you already started missing feeling him inside of you as he grabbed the blanket, throwing it over your sweaty bodies. He pulled you closer to his body, holding you close in his arms. After placing a tiny kiss on your forehead he mumbled: “I would have never dared to hope that there would be indeed something between the both of us.” You smiled up at him, moving closer so you could place a kiss on his stubbly cheek before you remembered the pendant, that was resting between your breasts. You reached out for it, opened it carefully and got the little glass ball out. Much to your surprise there were not two individual nebulas anymore but a single one, that was shimmering in the different shades of pink, violet, green and blue. 

Roman noticed it as well but was way too overwhelmed to find the right words for what he was feeling. You put it back into the pendant, carefully closing it before you searched for his eyes. You had no idea whether it was the right moment or whether it was too soon, but you somehow felt that you had to say it, that you wanted him to know. “I love you”, you whispered, almost drowning in his dark brown eyes, that were so warm and loving, so different from how they actually used to be. Roman was gulping hard. He never thought that hearing those words, knowing that they came from your heart, would touch him so much. And yet they did, especially since he had never heard them before in his life. He pulled you closer, kissing you as gently as he could, trying to show you that way how much you meant to him. 

As soon as he broke the kiss, he rested his forehead on yours, whispering: “I love you too” while your whole face lit up with happiness. You stayed quiet for a few moments until your curiosity had the best of you. “Roman?”, you asked and as you were sure that you had his full attention, you carefully traced your fingertips over the Dark Mark, that was hidden under his tribal. You could feel that he slightly flinched under your touch but you were not willing to give up that easily. You took a deep breath before you added: “Tell me about your past.“


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, fluff
> 
> Originally published here: https://reignmyworld.tumblr.com/post/180120730688/a-dream-is-a-wish-your-heart-makes-part-7-roman

You didn’t know whether you went too far, whether you pushed him in a direction, where he would drift away from you but you began fearing the worst as he remained silent for what felt like a little eternity. “Are you really sure that you want to hear about it? I don’t want you to see me in the end like everyone does.”, you could hear the sadness in his voice, your heart aching for him automatically. You searched for his gaze as you answered, meaning every single word of it: “Your past won’t change how I see you one bit. Neither our past nor our family defines us but simply what we stand for, how we act, that we are able to distinguish right from wrong. We can’t pick our family and we can’t pick our upbringing. But at a certain age we can at least choose ourselves which path we want to take. And you obviously had chosen the right one." 

"Sometimes I have the impression that you are way too wise for your age.”, Roman smiled at you with you replying amused: “I take that as a compliment." 

” I hope so", he answered as you locked eyes with his, waiting for him to open up to you. He lazily trailed his fingers over your arm while his other hand caressed your back. “What do you already know?" 

"I guess the usual rumors. That your family values Voldemort and that they have supported him ever since. And that you were supposed to be or even were his right hand.”, you whispered, studying his face. “Most of that is true.”, he replied and there was this deep sadness clouding his features. Just as you wanted to tell him that he doesn’t have to tell you anything if he didn’t want to, he began with his story: “The rumors, that my family is fascinated with Dark Arts and that they are even using it, are absolutely true. I have been born and raised in this construct of false values. From an early age on I was told that only families with pure blood status are worth something, that only we are allowed to achieve greater things. Even before there was Voldemort my family, my whole bloodline, has made sure to value the Dark Arts the best they could. This ideology was the only thing I knew from the day of my birth. My family is feared, I bet you have already heard that they are compared with the Malfoys and they are alike in so many aspects. I think the main difference is, that my family is even more gruesome hence why they are valued by Voldemort even more. For my parents it was always their goal to gain as much power as they possibly could by ruling next to him, by being almost as cruel and feared as he was. And from the very beginning on they wanted me to be his most loyal servant, to become his right hand once the time was right." 

Roman had to stop as his emotions tried to overwhelm him. You were cupping his cheek, gently stroking over it while you were processing everything he had told you as of now. His childhood, his whole family sounded absolutely terrible and you had never felt as sorry for a person like you did in that moment for the man, you were loving with all your heart. "You don’t have to go on if you don’t want to.”, you whispered, trying to hold back your tears as he was giving you a sad smile before he placed a small kiss on your forehead. “I know, baby girl, but I want to. I never thought that I would find someone I can open up to. And I just realized how good it feels to be finally able to talk about it.” You gulped hard, a deep wave of love and affection washing over you as you waited for him to continue. 

After a few more seconds he added: “I never knew what it was like to be loved as a kid since something like that didn’t exist where I grew up. It was all about power. It never felt right to me. I mean, I didn’t know any other life and yet it always felt as if everything my family stood for was wrong. I didn’t want to be part of it, didn’t want to live the life I had to live. From an early age on Voldemort took me under his guidance, teaching me things like the unforgivable curses, legilimency, a lot of cruel things no kid or teen should ever been exposed to and yet it defined my days, from the moment I woke up in the morning until the moment I went to bed at night. And I was facing punishment on a regular basis when I was forced to demonstrate what I had been taught on animals and human beings quite alike, which I always refused to do. They wanted me to torture them, they wanted me to kill them, but I didn’t obey… I just couldn’t and I certainly didn’t want to. Being beaten up until I could barely walk or see, spells and curses directed at me, that caused you to wish that you were dead… All of that was pretty common. I was suffering those from my parents and Voldemort quite alike. They didn’t know compassion, they didn’t know love. All that mattered was being as cruel and as deadly as somehow possible. When I hit puberty they were imprinting the Dark Mark on my arm, being quite sure that I would accept my role, would accept being Voldemort’s right hand when the time was right. I didn’t, I never wanted to. And when time went by they realized that I would probably never act according to their wishes. By that time I had become a burden for my parents and not only them but Voldemort wanted to see me dead. And they were almost successful. I have no idea how I’ve been able to escape but somehow I’ve managed to do so. And I left everything I had behind, which basically was nothing except for a few materialistic things and a home, that I hated so much. My parents never meant a lot to me, the lifestyle I had to live absolutely disgusted me and I was fearing for my own life. So I just left, leaving everything behind, hoping that I would be able to start somewhere anew, somewhere where no-one would know me, somewhere where people wouldn’t see the monster anyone thought I was. But just as it had been here it had been everywhere. Rumors were traveling ahead and no matter how much I tried to fit in, somehow my past always haunted me. So I was beyond grateful when Dumbledore gave me the chance to start here, hoping that it would give me the peace I was looking for for so long. But I was wrong. It was the same like it had been before with every class I was introduced to. With one exception…" 

He stopped, smiling down at you, his eyes not only showing sadness but a deep love as well as he held you closer before he quietly added: "When I saw you for the first time, I had the feeling as if I was finally lucky. That there was someone in this god forsaken world, that could see behind my mask. I don’t know why, but when I looked at you, I saw someone whose heart wasn’t heavy with prejudices and yet I didn’t dare to be anything but mean to you as I knew that Voldemort was still a constant threat, that he was still after me and only the place I’m at - this castle and Dumbledore’s power - primarily protecting me. I just couldn’t open up to you since I was way too afraid that you would become a potential target and I was right.“ 

His eyes were glistening with unshed tears by now and you were quite sure that you were less successful as you felt how your cheeks turned wet. You couldn’t even express with words how terrible you felt after having learnt about his life and you could only imagine how terrible it must have been to live it. You thought about your own family with parents, that loved you dearly and that would give their lives to make sure that you were safe. You wished that you could have lifted some of the heavy burden he had to carry, that you could have taken some of the pain away from him. "I’m so, so sorry”, you sobbed, pressing your body closer to his, not leaving his side for just a second. He gave you a sad smile as he whispered: “Don’t be. You are the best thing, that could have ever happened to me. I never thought that I would find happiness only once in my life and yet here you are." 

Roman was reaching out for your face, wiping away your tears while his fingertips still trailed gently over your arm. You remained silent until his last sentence displayed its full meaning to you. You took a deep breath as you wanted to know: "What do you mean with me being a potential target?” You could feel how his whole body stiffened under your touch. He tried to move but you kept him right where he was. “Please Ro, I can promise you that it won’t change anything. I just want to know and understand what you mean with that.”, you whispered, locking eyes with his until you noticed that he would tell you even though he would have given anything to avoid it. 

“Do you remember that one day, where you had found me unconsciousness on the floor in the lecture hall and I told you that it was Voldemort, that had attacked me through legilimency?”, he wanted to know with you nodding your head as you replied: “Yeah you were not really specific about it, but said that it was your own fault because you let your guards down.” He seemed to be lost in his thoughts for a few seconds until he turned his attention back to you, saying: “Exactly. I haven’t told you the whole truth back then. As I already said, I knew that he was after me, that he wanted to torture me for what I had done. Somehow, I was able to go into hiding, to live under his radar by locking my mind, by building walls, that kept him from entering my thoughts. It was always easy to do so, well at least as long as you hadn’t entered my life. At first it was not hard keeping my guards up even when my thoughts travelled to you from time to time, but I nevertheless felt how it was becoming harder as days, weeks and months went by. And when I found your glass ball and saw your dream, only to find my own there soon after, I failed to keep my mind empty, failed to keep those walls up. I was constantly thinking of you, thinking of how it would be if I could show you the real me, how it would feel like to hold you in my arms, to kiss you, to make love to you. You occupied every single thought and I got anything else but careful in protecting my thoughts. I gave him a chance to enter my mind, to see what was in my thoughts day in and day out. And while doing so I exposed you to a risk I can never forgive myself. He saw that all I cared about, all that was on my mind was you. I have already told you that if someone messes with your mind with regard to legilimency, it can be dangerous. Not only for your sanity but because the person entering your mind might learn things, that you would keep hidden under all circumstances otherwise. When you found me there, he had planted pictures of him torturing you in my mind. You were screaming for help as he exposed you to pain you had never felt before. I couldn’t help you, I tried everything but I just couldn’t. He made me see how he killed you, how you died in my arms while I was holding your dead body. That’s when I passed out. It felt so real, it was not only a physical but an emotional pain as well, something I never want to feel again. And knowing now that you are indeed exposed to real danger, I can never forgive myself that. And all just because I dare to love you.“ 

The hurt and pain he was feeling was present in every word he was saying and you could tell that he blamed himself for exposing you to any danger, that might come your way. You, however, didn’t want to hear any of that. You couldn’t say why but you were extremely calm, not even fearing one bit that all of those things Voldemort made Roman see, could actually happen. There was a combination of different feelings present in you now: deep love as well as a deep sadness, a massive anger with regard to those who had done all of this to the man you loved, and the unfulfilled hope, that you could carry some of that heavy burden.You searched for his eyes as you whispered: "I wish that I could carry some of your burden, I really wish, but I can’t. All I can do, is tell you how much I love you and that I will stay by your side if you let me, no matter what. I don’t care about what that bastard made you see, I don’t care about your family or about any rumors. I want to be by your side, I want to go that path with you. I’m not afraid that something could happen to me and no matter how desperate this may sound, I’m begging you that you don’t push me away just because of what he made you see. Whatever happens, it is not your fault, Ro. I want you to know that. And I would rather die, having loved you, being by your side, than die, having lived without you because you wanted to save me. That’s a decision I have to make myself and if you want to have me by your side, I’m certainly not leaving you.“  
You could see the love and fear on his face quite alike and for a moment you were really scared that he would rebuild those walls around him, but he didn’t, he couldn’t. He kissed you with all of the despair he was feeling, with all of the love he had for you, not intending to let you go. As you broke apart, he whispered: "I will keep you safe with my own life. I promise you that, baby girl.” And you knew that he would, knew that it was not just empty words but that he would make sure that nothing would happen to you as long as he was around. You gave him a little smile before you rested your head above his heart once again, just enjoying being as close to him as you currently were. 

“I’m glad that you came after me tonight.”, he mumbled, stroking your arm gently as you smiled into his chest, whispering: “Me too. If I’m honest I didn’t even want to let go off you after our dance.” You felt his gentle lips on your head as he placed a tiny kiss there. “Sorry for putting you into that position in front of the whole university." 

"Don’t be stupid, I wouldn’t have had it any other way.” The both of you remained silent for a bit before you heard his deep chuckle, vibrating through his chest. You peeked up at him, an eyebrow raised in question as you wanted to know: “What’s so funny?” He smirked down at you before he pulled you on top of him, making you scream in surprise as he said: “I just thought that those Fridays, you have to suffer detention, have become much more entertaining." 

„Wait… I still have to appear for detention? That’s rather unfair, professor.”, you joked, winking at him with Roman groaning into your ear: “Don’t worry sweetheart, I’m determined to make them worth your time.” Before you could say another word he was kissing you passionately once again with you returning his kiss with the same passion he was offering you before you found yourself trapped in another round of making love to him.

The next morning came way too early for your liking as you slowly opened your eyes, groaning in displeasure. You were lost for a moment, trying to figure out where you were when you suddenly heard some deep snores and felt strong arms surrounding you. A little smile appeared on your face as you peeked up, watching Roman’s peaceful expression as he was sleeping next to you, holding you close to his chest. You felt safe in his arms, wanted to stay here forever until you suddenly realized that it was Monday, which meant, that you should be at your lectures rather early that day. 

You sighed out in frustration as you freed yourself from his embrace, feeling a sudden chill as you remembered your and his last night. You gently cupped his cheek, stroking it slightly as you whispered: “Ro, wake up. It’s morning already.” He didn’t seem as if he had heard you and with a quiet sigh you leaned over his chest, trying to peek at the clock on his nightstand. As soon as you realized how late it was, you gasped out loud, cursing: “Oh fuck"   
“Count me in.”, you heard Roman’s deep voice followed by his chuckle as you shot him an annoyed yet amused glare. “Good morning to you too.”, you said, as he placed a tiny kiss on your lips, mumbling: “Good morning beautiful. How late is it?" 

"Almost lecture time.” Roman reached out for his clock, glancing at it for a few seconds before he cursed out loud, realizing that he probably didn’t have the time for a rather lengthy breakfast if he didn’t want to run late for his lecture. “Who the hell had the glorious idea of having a damn ball on a Sunday evening?”, he groaned, falling back into the pillows with you resting on his chest, your arms crossed on top of it as you held his glance, smirking slyly as you answered: “I dare to say that a ball on a Sunday evening wouldn’t be much of a problem. Sleeping with your student for the majority of the night probably is.“ Roman laughed out loud as he held you close, responding: "Absolutely guilty of that and not regretting one second of it.“

"Oh you better not, professor.”, you winked at him before you freed yourself from his embrace, much to your and his displeasure quite alike. “Maybe I should just skip lectures today…”, you mumbled as Roman was sitting up on the bed, swinging his legs out of it, slightly chuckling as he reached out for his pants. “Don’t even think about that. There would probably be rumors right away that I have locked you up after your boyfriend having guessed right that we were together.”, he said and you couldn’t help but have the feeling, that the thought of rumors pained him. You were staring at his broad back and his black, long hair, that was covering the majority of it, thinking how you would prefer staying in bed with him right now than starting another day at university. 

You moved over to him, sitting behind him, pressing your bare chest against his back as you were hugging him from behind. He reached out for your arms as you were kissing his cheek before you mumbled: “First of all that asshole is my ex-boyfriend and not my boyfriend. Secondly, he probably would have never been my boyfriend if either myself or you had enough courage to bring the topic of that little glass ball up sooner. Thirdly, I couldn’t care less about any rumors being spread about you and me because I know better. And last but not least, I would certainly not complain being locked up by you.” You heard his deep laughter as he was turning his head to the side, reaching out for the back of your head to pull it down so he could crash his lips on yours passionately while you eagerly accepted his kiss. 

As you broke apart, he was giving you a sly smirk, saying: “Skipping lectures still isn’t an option.” with you sighing in defeat. Before he could say or do anything else you were already reaching out for his wrist, snatching his hair tie from it and working your way through his hair until you had brought it in a perfect bun. As Roman was looking at you in surprise, you shrugged your shoulders, saying: “What? I always wanted to do that ever since I saw you for the first time.” He shook his head amused, putting on a black shirt before he wanted to hand you your clothes, stopping in his tracks. You looked at him questioningly before realization hit you, that you didn’t have anything with you except for your ball dress, that you certainly didn’t want to head to your dorm room to in the early morning while a lot of students probably were already on their way to have breakfast in the Great Hall. 

“Well I really didn’t think that through.”, you stated amused, causing Roman to laugh out loud as he answered: “I would offer you some of my stuff but I fear that you would completely drown in them." 

"Probably.”, you laughed as well. While you were weighing your options whether you could use some magic to get a few of your clothes here, there was a loud noise, making you squeal in surprise before you noticed the little house elf standing in the middle of the room. You stared at him in surprise before you realized that you were completely naked, grabbing the blanket as fast as you could, covering your body. You shot Roman a deathly glare, who just winked at you amused before he turned his attention to the little house elf, that squeaked: “Master Reigns, how can I help you?”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst
> 
> Originally published here: https://reignmyworld.tumblr.com/post/181279521051/a-dream-is-a-wish-your-heart-makes-part-8-roman

Roman was kneeling down to him as he said, a smile on his lips: “Tibby, I know that it is hard for you and I absolutely respect that, but Master sounds so much like you being a slave and that is the last thing that I want. It’s Roman. Do you think you can do that?” Tibby was staring at him with big eyes but as soon as he realized that Roman was serious, he returned his smile, nodding his head, saying: “Yes I think I can do that. What can Tibby do for you?” Roman told the little house elf that you needed some of your clothes and asked him whether he could go to your dorm in order to get some and bring them to you. Tibby nodded in agreement and the next moment he was gone while you were staring at the spot, where he had stood just seconds before and that was empty now. 

“Sorry about that.”, Roman chuckled as he sat down next to you on the bed while you were shaking your head in disbelief. “You have a house elf?”, you wanted to know with Roman responding: “Every teacher has one. Those are the same house elves, that prepare the food for everyone around here on a daily basis and that clean the castle, but there are certain house elves that respond to us on top. I really hate asking them for favors. I know that they love fulfilling them but ordering them around… I don’t know, I just can’t stand it." 

"Of course not, you rather save that for your students, don’t you?" 

"Just for one in particular.”, he winked at you as he could tell that you were clearly joking. You laughed out loud, before you wanted to know more seriously: “Do you think that Tibby will tell anyone about me being here? I mean not that I would mind if people knew, but I don’t want that you get into trouble because of that.” Roman shook his head as he pulled you closer, mumbling: “Don’t worry. House elves certainly don’t go around, spreading information like that. They are beyond loyal. And I really couldn’t care less whether I’m in trouble or not. I love you and no-one can change that.“

As you opened your mouth for an answer, there was another loud noise and Tibby appeared again, holding a bunch of your clothes in his tiny hands. You got off the bed and moved over to him, kneeling down in front of him as he was holding the pile of clothes out to you. "Here Miss.”, he squeaked as you took your clothes, smiling at the little creature in front of you, replying: “Thank you so much Tibby. You are a lifesaver.” You were sure that he blushed slightly before he nodded his head and disappeared again. 

“Looks like you abashed him.”, Roman laughed as he watched you getting up while you shrugged your shoulders, giggling: “Yeah I have that effect on others.” You looked at the pile in your hands, uncertain whether you should get dressed in front of him. Roman seemed to have noticed your hesitance, as he moved over to you, pulling you closer and giving you a soft kiss before he said: “I absolutely wouldn’t mind seeing you naked once again that morning but if you prefer getting dressed in privacy, the bathroom is at the end of the floor." 

"Getting dressed in front of you would probably mean missing all lectures for today indeed as we would certainly end up in bed again. So I’m not taking any risks, professor.”, you said amused as you tiptoed to place a kiss on his cheek, whispering in his ear: “I’m right back.” With that you headed for the bathroom, leaving Roman behind, only to return approximately 10 minutes later, announcing: “Okay I’m ready to go and prepared to let the day begin. Well kind of…“ You were absent minded playing with the necklace around your neck as you noticed Roman’s amused expression. "What is it?”, you wanted to know as he pointed to the pendant, that was falling between your breasts, stating: “You should keep that thing save forever and ever. If it wasn’t for that…” You walked over to him, wrapping your hands around his neck as you smiled up to him, finishing his sentence: “There would be no us now. Sounds strange, huh?" 

"I don’t care how it sounds. I’m just glad that you are not grossed out by me and that you want to try it." 

"I could never be grossed out by you, Ro. I’m grossed out and disgusted by all the things you had to experience, by everything you had to go through. But I certainly could never feel that for you. I love you and I have done so for quite a long time.” He leaned down to you, capturing your lips in a sweet kiss, before he whispered as soon as you had broken the kiss: “I love you too, baby. More than my own life.” You didn’t want that moment to end, didn’t want to let go of him, but it was as if the ticking of the clock got louder by any second, telling you that it was time to start into your days. 

As if he had read your mind, Roman said: “We should probably get going baby girl.” You nodded your head and with one last kiss, you made sure to slip through the door of his home as quietly as you could as soon as you were sure that the floor was empty, knowing that Roman would wait for a few minutes until he would head for the Great Hall in order to prevent gossip spreading like wildfire. 

As you were heading for the Great Hall you were sure that you had the stupidest grin on your face, that others have ever spotted on you, but you couldn’t help it. You were beyond happy and you were sure that no-one could bring you down, not after what had happened, not after you and Roman having become an item after those last three years you thought he hated you and vice versa. Once you entered the Great Hall you searched the other students there until you found your circle of friends, heading over to them. Much to your relief you figured that your ex-boyfriend was not part of them. As you sat down next to your best friend, you already prepared a lie why you hadn’t returned to your dorm but apparently you didn’t need it as she already said: “Morning Y/N. I hope you weren’t too concerned since I wasn’t home last night but I decided to sleep over in my boyfriend’s dorm.” You tried to hide a huge grin as you answered: “No no don’t worry. It’s all good. I hope you had a great time." 

"A fantastic one.”, she winked at you and you smiled politely, thinking to yourself that it probably wasn’t as fantastic as the one you had.  You started filling the plate in front of you with some breakfast as one of your friends leaned over, saying: “How the hell have you survived yesterday? We felt so terrible for you when he asked you to dance with him.” Your friend was nodding over to the teacher’s table and you could see that Roman had just sat down on his usual seat, studying the breakfast in front of him. You stared at him for a moment and apparently he had noticed you doing so as he was lifting his head, holding your gaze, winking at you as soon as he was sure that no-one else was paying attention. You gave him a short smile before you turned back to your friend, that put some sausages on his plate, almost forgetting that he was waiting for your answer. You shrugged your shoulders as you said: “No need to feel sorry. He’s a good dancer and he has been polite." 

"Yeah but it’s Reigns we are talking about. You-know-who’s right hand. This dude probably kills people like you for fun if he feels like doing so." 

"How about you start forming your own opinions instead of believing the stuff people like to spread just for the fun of it?”, you hissed, not caring what your friend might think as you realized that the whole group got silent, giving you some strange looks. “Are you okay?”, Y/BFF/N wanted to know as you just shrugged your shoulders, mumbling: “I’m as alright as I can be. I just can’t stand stupid gossip and rumors and you all should know this by now. It simply isn’t fair no matter who is concerned.” Before you could talk yourself into rage, you were reminded that you were running late for your lecture in potions. You excused yourself and rushed to the lecture hall, knowing that Snape would be anything but happy if you arrived there too late. 

The whole day went by rather unspectacular but as soon as it was time for you to head to the Great Hall for dinner, you realized that something seemed to be off. Although people still greeted you and were friendly all in all, you couldn’t help but notice that they were sticking their heads together as soon as you had passed, obviously talking about you although you had no idea what they were saying and you actually weren’t in the mood to figure it out either. 

As you reached the Great Hall and moved over to your usual seat, you could already see your best friend’s concerned face. You crooked an eyebrow as you fell down next to her, wanting to know: “What’s wrong? You look as if you had seen a ghost." 

"Are you alright?”, she wanted to know almost quietly as you answered rather perplex: “Sure, why shouldn’t I be?" 

"Because of the rumors circling around about you.” You noticed that she didn’t feel comfortable in her own skin, as you questioned her: “What rumors? I have noticed that people were talking behind my back but I have no idea what they were talking about.” You could tell that she wanted to tell you on the one hand and on the other she just wanted to be far away. “Come on Y/BFF/N, what rumors are you talking about?" 

"The ones about you and Reigns." 

"What the…?”, you started, but before you could continue, you saw a shadow in front of you. As you peeked up all of your questions were basically answered as you looked into the furious face of your ex-boyfriend. Even if he couldn’t know for sure what had happened, he obviously counted two and two together, and even if it wouldn’t have been the truth, it would have nevertheless be enough for those rumors to spread like wildfire, so that probably everyone in Hogwarts had heard about it by now. You wanted to kill that asshole. It wasn’t that you were ashamed or that you cared that people knew about it, but you felt absolutely sorry for Roman, fearing that he would face a huge backlash, that he would lose his position and that he would have to leave the castle and head into an uncertain future. And for that you wanted to punch that fucker, that used to be your boyfriend, in the face again and again. 

You were holding his gaze as he leaned down to you, hissing: “How does it feel not being the teacher’s pet anymore but having become the teacher’s slut, Y/N?” You shot him a deathly glare as you gritted through your teeth: “Probably a lot better than having to kiss daddy’s ass at the ministry so your lazy ass can make it through university with a lot of money financing certain things around here.” You knew that you were right and you didn’t care one bit whether you made things worse or not. Your table had become quiet by now, listening carefully to your exchange of words and as soon as the people in the rest of the hall were aware what was going on, you could have heard a needle being dropped. 

You had no doubts that your ex had told everyone about last night, probably hitting the nail on the head more than he would have expected and you had no doubts either that whole Hogwarts was aware that it was the son of a rather important wizard at the Ministry of Magic spreading those rumors, making them more interesting than they probably would have been if someone without any reputation would have spread them. Although he had held his volume down in the beginning, so only your table could hear your exchange of words, your ex seemed to be of the opinion that whatever he had to say was to quite some interest for everyone in the Great Hall, students and teachers quite alike. 

You had never seen an expression that hateful as he snapped at you, his voice increasing with every word he was saying: “So Y/N, I have to admit I’m rather curious. Curious and disgusted all at the same time.  After you had left me during the ball yesterday, rushing after Reigns until you were alone with him in his lecture hall… Have you been fucking him because you felt sorry for him or because you wanted to prove something to yourself? Oh no, wait… let me rephrase that. Has it been the first time you stepped so low or have you been fucking him for quite some time, probably to get all of those good grades, that you were after ever since? Whatever it was ,you’re just as disgusting as that asshole is and I can’t even believe that I’ve wasted time dating you. Tell me how does it feel if you have to step so low that you let you-know-who’s right hand bone you? Did it give you a good feeling, knowing that a pure blood was willing to screw a mud blood like you? No really, I can’t wait to hear the answer only a slut like you could give me.” 

You were quite aware that all eyes were set on you although they were shifting between you and Roman constantly. Out of the corner of your eye, you noticed that he had gotten up, his face murderous while Dumbledore reached out for his arm, probably telling him something that Roman was not willing to listen to as he immediately freed himself from the old wizard’s grip. You honestly didn’t care about the whole school respectively university knowing about you and Roman and you didn’t even care about their thoughts either. But you did care about the fact that this asshole in front of you dared to put the man you loved down the way he just did, you cared about him accusing Roman of being someone or rather something he was not, and no matter how much you were shaking with anger, you were not willing to just accept what you had heard. You were getting up slowly from your seat, coming face to face with your ex, locking eyes with him as you shot him one deathly glare after another. You didn’t know whether you could trust your voice or whether it would betray you, so you took a deep breath before you icy replied: "Oh I’m sorry asshole, I seem to have missed your problem throughout the shit you were just vomiting. I just want to make one thing clear in advance. I take your accusation of me stepping so low as a personal offense and insult. If that was the case you would certainly know it as that would have meant that I would have been willing to sleep with you and we both know that this is not the case. So stepping so low definitely is off the table." 

You could hear some of your friends chuckle while your ex boyfriend looked as if he wanted to murder you right then and there. You enjoyed the sight in front of you for a few moments as it gave you a sadistic satisfaction before you added: "And since it is obviously so much of your and anyone’s concern around here, I’m gladly answering your question, dickhead. That is if someone, that means a lot to me, is content with it.” You stopped as you looked at Roman, ignoring everyone around you while focussing on him only, asking silently for his permission, not caring what this could mean for you in the end. He was giving you a weak smile although you could tell that anger was radiating from every part of him, as he nodded his head in agreement. 

You smiled back at him, before you turned your attention back to your ex boyfriend, every expression of politeness gone again as you said loud and clearly: “I’m certainly not dropping to your standard as you clearly are missing a whole bunch of manners, fuckface. I was sleeping with him for one reason and one reason only and that will probably disgust you even more now than you could imagine, given how limited your horizon is. I was sleeping with him because I love him. Because I’m - contrary to you and a lot of other people here - are willing to see beyond the surface, am willing to ignore rumors and learn things for myself. And if anyone of you had the decency to make up your own minds instead of relying on gossip, that’s being spread, you would be able to figure out on your own that things are not always the way they seem and that persons aren’t always what you want them to be. So I have to disappoint you, it was neither for grades, nor anything else. But how should you understand something like that? Someone that is desperate enough to pay women to sleep with him? And I’m pretty sure a few people around here can confirm that since it had become an inside joke by now. And for the rest of you, that was eagerly listening now, probably already thinking how you can tell your parents and friends at home how scandalous it is that a student had been sleeping with her professor, I can assure you that you can run away right now sending your owls home because there is nothing more to hear than what you had just heard. Although I would really appreciate if you would all grow a beautiful set of balls and have the guts to actually say it to my face if you feel the urge to hear about the truth behind a rumor than just continuing discussing it behind my back. I can assure you it’s certainly more satisfying for you if you hear the truth directly from me. So is there anything else you need to know, asshole, or do you mind if I continue with my day as staring at your stupid face bores me to the bone?" 

You had no idea whether he wanted to insult you more, had no idea what he had in mind, but somehow he suddenly felt the urge to leave sooner than later. He shot a murderous look at you as he hissed for everyone to hear: "You are going to pay for that, you little slut. You can be sure about that.” You crooked an eyebrow as you wanted to know: “Is that a threat or a promise? Should it be the latter one, don’t make any promises that you can’t keep in the end.” With that the conversation was over for you as you sat down back to your seat, ignoring him as you took a sip from your water. He slammed his hands on the table as he snapped: “It’s a promise and I’m going to keep it.” before he turned around, leaving the Great Hall as fast as he could, leaving everyone stunned while doing so.

You took a deep breath, trying somehow to keep your composure after what had just happened. You realized that the silence in the Great Hall vanished bit by bit and that there were a few noises here and there, probably discussing what you had just stated for everyone to hear, but you didn’t care. Although it felt good having gotten it off your chest, there was nevertheless that tiny feeling of fear inside of you. You were scared, scared that you had made things worse for Roman, scared that he had to face the consequences now after your ex- boyfriend made sure that everyone knew that he was sleeping with one of his students. You didn’t care much for your own consequences ,however. You were an adult, you could make your own decisions and you didn’t regret them one bit. And even if you were expelled now, since that behavior would not be accepted by the headmaster, you couldn’t care less. 

Of course, you needed your degrees to pursue the profession you were following for such a long time, but you were quite sure that there were other ways to achieve it and Hogwarts was not the only option you had. The only thing, that would have hurt with you being expelled, would be the fact, that you wouldn’t be around anymore, wouldn’t be able to see Roman on a daily basis although you were aware that this wouldn’t be the case either once your last year was wrapped. 

You didn’t even care to pay attention to your friends, didn’t care to see their reactions. It wouldn’t surprise you if they turned their backs on you as they would probably see you as a disgrace now since a few of them didn’t bother making their decisions based on their own opinion but would rather adapt to those of others. You just hoped that your best friend wouldn’t be like that as she meant a lot to you and losing her would certainly hurt. 

You were staring down at the food in front of you, trying to blend out all of the noises, the whispered words surrounding you, until you realized that they were suddenly gone, that everyone had turned silent from one moment to the next. You were bracing yourself as you expected your ex-boyfriend to have returned in order to continue where he had stopped before, but much to your surprise you felt a gentle touch at your back before a hand was resting on your shoulder. You didn’t even have to look to know who it was as you were reaching for the hand, cupping it with your own as you heard Roman’s deep voice say: “Thank you so much.” You could tell that it was coming from the bottom of his heart as you turned around, smiling up at him, answering: “Anytime." 

You wished that you and him were alone, that the Great Hall was magically empty because you could see how much your ex’s words must have pained him and you wanted to make sure that he was alright, but you knew that this wasn’t possible. You were aware, that everyone was staring at the both of you, as you slowly got up, leaving your seat, standing before him, mumbling: "I’m feeling like an animal in a zoo. I guess leaving doesn’t sound like a bad option. What do you say?” He was giving you a sad smile and much to your surprise he obviously didn’t care much about his surroundings as he leaned down, placing a soft kiss on your lips, not caring about all of the gasping around him as he answered: “I say that it sounds like a perfect plan to me." 

You were smiling up at him, your heart dropping just seconds later as you heard the unique voice of the headmaster behind you. "Roman. Y/N. Please follow me to my office, will you?”, Dumbledore said and in the first moment panic threatened to take you over as you thought that everything would be destroyed now. Roman squeezed your hand in reassurance as he whispered: “It’s going to be alright, baby. I promise.” With that he turned around, facing the old wizard, saying: “Of course Albus.” Dumbledore took the lead as Roman was following him, holding your hand while doing so. 

When you were about to pass your friends, you felt a gentle touch on your arm. As you looked down it was your best friend smiling up at you, whispering: “Don’t worry, everything will be alright. Although we might have our prejudices against him, you can count on us. You are our friend and we are having your back no matter what and no matter who you decide to love.” You couldn’t even tell how much this meant to you as you looked into the faces of your friends, that were nodding in unison, even the ones, where you thought that they would abandon you right away. You felt how you were tearing up as you whispered: “Thank you so much, that really means a lot to me.” She squeezed your arm one more time before you were passing her completely.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: angst, comfort, fluff
> 
> Originally published here: https://reignmyworld.tumblr.com/post/183125553501/a-dream-is-a-wish-your-heart-makes-part-9-roman

Several moments later you found yourself in Dumbledore’s office, sitting next to Roman, facing the old wizard, that was resting his head on his hands on the other side of the desk. He remained silent for quite some time and you didn’t dare to speak either. Roman must have noticed how uncomfortable you were as he didn’t care about the headmaster sitting on the opposite side of you as he was holding your hand, rubbing his thumb in circles over it, trying to calm you down. You gave him a weak smile that he returned without any second thoughts. Dumbledore, who had known you since you started your first day at Hogwarts at the age of 10, was eyeing you as he wanted to know: “So Y/N, I assume that you were telling the whole truth after what Y/EX/N had accused you of, haven’t you?” You knew that denying it would have been senseless and you didn’t intend to do so either, so you nodded your head, stating: “Yes I had been telling the truth, professor." 

"I already thought so.”, he mumbled, shifting his eyes from you to Roman and back, making you move uncomfortably under his glance. You had no idea how Roman could stay so calm as the suspension was almost unbearable for you but you assumed that he had some private conversations with the headmaster before and was used to his behavior because of that. Dumbledore took his time before he started: “Y/N… Roman… I guess I don’t need to tell you that relationships between teachers and students aren’t always allowed and they often bring consequences with themselves….” 

Before he could continue, however, Roman was joining the conversation, saying: “Albus with all due respect, I don’t want to interrupt you but I just would like to say something in advance. I’m quite aware that it isn’t right in the minds of a lot of people and you know that I’m the last person to speak my feelings, but I love that woman next to me and I won’t stop doing so, just because anyone tells me to. I never thought, that I would be able to love but then Y/N came along and turned my world upside down. And I won’t let anyone destroy that. I know, that it was my duty as a teacher to not let anything like that happen, but the truth is, I was weak. I tried to fight it, tried to bottle up my feelings, but I couldn’t do so any longer and I’m not regretting it one bit. The only thing I’m regretting is, should there be possible consequences for Y/N. Whatever you decide, whatever decision you have to make, I’m begging you, let me carry it on my own. If one of us has to leave, I’m willing to pack my stuff. As much as it would pain me, but I’m willing to start anew somewhere else like I had done in the past, knowing now that it would be different, that I wouldn’t have the same fears I had to face before. But whatever you are doing, Albus, please don’t push those consequences on the woman next to me." 

You couldn’t help but tear up as you were hearing his words. You knew how terrible it was for him to start his life anew, trying to fit in only to be confronted with the same hate again and again. Your heart broke for him and you couldn’t let that happen. If you had to go, that only meant that you would have to graduate somewhere else but your life would pretty much stay the same although you couldn’t see him regularly for the next few months. But having to leave Hogwarts would certainly have not the same huge impact on you as it would have for him. You searched for his eyes, saying, your voice heavy with emotion: "Ro, no. Don’t do this.” before adding without even looking at the old headmaster: “If you have to expel me, Professor, please go ahead and do so." 

You saw how Roman was shaking his head but before he could protest you heard the deep chuckles of the old wizard, that looked at the both of you rather amused. You were confused as to what that meant and you could tell that Roman felt the same. Before any of you, however, could say anything, Dumbledore stated: "Roman, I really appreciate the things you had let me known right now and Y/N, it didn’t surprise me one bit, that you were willing to take possible consequences as well. But neither of you let me finish in the first place. What I wanted to say is, that some people are not content with relationships like that, however, when those are mentioned, most people assume it to be students in their senior school years and not in their last year of university.” He was winking at you before he continued: “I’m not going to expel you, Y/N and I’m neither going to fire you, Roman. And I certainly won’t tell you that your relationship has to end. I may be old, but I understand completely what it means to love someone from the bottom of one’s heart and I also understand how hard it can be fighting for that love, especially if there are obstacles in the way. I had asked you to follow me into my office as I wanted to tell you, Y/N, that I’m rather impressed of you speaking your mind in front of anyone, probably knowing what some people with their limited minds think about that. And I want you both to know that you have my blessing as stupid as this may sound. Neither myself nor any of the other teachers will say anything against your relationship and as for Y/EX/N, I can assure you that he will be the only one facing consequences due to his behavior. I guess I haven’t forgotten anything, so if you want to excuse me now… I’m old and I can already hear my bed calling." 

You couldn’t even tell who looked more perplex, whether it was you or Roman, but it definitely took some time unless you had processed everything Dumbledore had just said. A huge smile spread across your face as you whispered: "Thank you so much, Professor.” and you could tell that Roman was overwhelmed as well, as he was shaking Dumbledore’s hand, thanking him for his understanding and his gratitude. He helped you to your feet as you were heading for the door but before you could leave, you were held back by Dumbledore as he said: “Oh Roman, just one thing. Those attacks by Voldemort entering your mind… Are they still happening?” You looked at him in shock as he nodded his head, assuming that he must have talked to the headmaster about them before. “I already thought so. Please try to focus more on your occlumency and while you’re at it, please make sure that Y/N learns how to use it as well. You are both vulnerable and our main priority should be now to keep you both save no matter what.”, the old man said with Roman nodding his head, smiling slightly as he answered: “Thank you, Albus, I definitely will. Have a good night.” He put his arm around your shoulder, pulling you closer as you leaned into his embrace and with a mumbled “Good night”, you left the headmaster’s office. 

It didn’t take long until you had walked down the staircase, finding yourself on an empty floor again. You were way too overwhelmed by anything, that had happened, to actually grasp a clear thought. “Are you alright, baby?”, you heard Roman’s voice with you slowly nodding your head. You turned round to face him as you you gave him a little smile. “Yes, just a little shaken. I wouldn’t have expected Dumbledore’s reaction to be so positive.”, you said relieved, hugging your boyfriend without thinking about it twice. And Roman didn’t seem to mind either as he was holding you close, his chin resting on your head. You heard him mumble: “Me neither sweetheart. I don’t know how I should thank you…” You peeked up at him, wanting to know: “What for?" 

"What for? Y/N, no-one has taken my side ever. When you told that asshole off, I… I don’t know how I should thank you. You have no idea how much that means to me." 

"Don’t tell me that you’re turning sentimental now.”, you laughed but before he had the chance to reply something, you added: “Roman, I love you and I couldn’t care less who knows about it. Hearing those nasty words from Y/EX/N hurt me beyond I could probably tell you. I don’t want to hear anyone talking about you like that. And I hope that you know, that none of this is true. I could never despise you, I could never hate you. I just hope, that people around here would be courageous enough to see you for who you are and not for what your family stands.” You could tell, that your words were moving him as he leaned down to you, his lips meeting yours in a gentle kiss. You were aware, that you were at full display, that everyone that would walk over this floor now, would see you, but you didn’t care. You wrapped your hands around his neck, shifting closer to his body, deepening the kiss. You were not willing to let go of him, not now that you finally had the permission to be with him. 

As you broke apart after what felt like an eternity, he was smiling down at you, resting his forehead against yours, whispering: “I love you baby. You have no idea how hard I had to fight myself in the Great Hall to not become that dark wizard everyone thinks I am. When I heard that asshole talk to you like that I really wanted to rip his head off. If it hadn’t been for Dumbledore, I guess you could visit me in Azkaban right now.” You cupped his cheek as you mumbled: “Forget him. He’s not worth it, not one single bit. I have an idea. How about I stay with you tonight Professor and we can talk about anything that had happened before?” You saw a sly smirk on his lips and you couldn’t help but chuckle as he reminded you more of his usual self. “Miss Y/L/N, I have to warn you. You staying over night could result in a rather short night and a lot of tiredness you have to sit through the next morning.”, he winked at you, his voice absolutely amused. You had to laugh as you reminded him that the first lectures you would have the next day were with him anyway. 

“Sleeping in your lesson probably only results in more detention and I’m certainly not complaining about that.”, you giggled. He was giving you another sweet kiss before he reached for your hand, interlacing his fingers with yours, guiding you to his apartment. On your way there, there were a few students seeing you and you could tell, that they were still shocked by seeing you together but you didn’t care. And if Roman did, he at least was a master at hiding it. When you were sure that no-one was around and no-one was listening, you wanted to know: “Ro? Those dreams Dumbledore had mentioned?” You noticed how he slightly stiffened but you just needed to know. “Yes?”, he asked quietly with you answering: “How often do they happen? And for how long are they already happening?" 

He thought about it as if he wasn’t sure whether he should confront you with the truth but in the end he decided to do so. "They are basically happening every night. You can train it, you can build your walls strong but as soon as you are aware of it, you kind of notice little things, that give away whether someone wants to enter your mind. And I’m feeling them almost every night although they differ. So I guess it’s not just Voldemort trying to invade my consciousness but also probably my father. Sometimes it gets hard to fight them off and after you had found me that one day, they managed to enter once or twice afterwards but somehow I was able to defend myself. I woke up before they succeeded in planting those terrible images of you being tortured again. For how long? Basically shortly after I had met you, so probably a little more than three years.” You knew that it was not your fault, knew that you couldn’t prevent it, but you nevertheless were feeling guilty, that he had to go through something as terrible as that just because he dared to love you. 

Before you could stop yourself, tears were falling on your cheeks. “I’m so sorry”, you whispered quietly, making Roman stop in his tracks right away. You were not far from his home as he was turning to you, gently lifting your chin with his index finger, locking eyes with you. He studied your face, realizing that you felt guilty for what happened to him. His heart ached upon that realization. “Don’t you ever say that again. It is not your fault. You are the best thing, that could have happen to me in this god forsaken, cruel world. I love you more than words can say, more than my own life. Those dreams, those invasions in my mind aren’t your fault, baby girl. If anything, it is my fault, that you are at stake, that you are a potential target. But I’m making sure that nothing happens to you and if that is the last thing that I’m doing." 

"I know, that it is not my fault. It’s just… I don’t know. I just wish, that I could carry part of that burden, that is resting upon your shoulders.”, you whispered, giving him a sad smile, almost drowning in the depth of his eyes. Before he had the chance to answer, you wanted to know: “Do you really think, that they could enter my mind as well? I mean since Dumbledore had mentioned. that I should learn to use occlumency.” He looked at you with a sad expression, replying: “I think, that there is a risk, yes. They have seen in my thoughts how much you mean to me, how important you are to me, how much I love you. This knowledge made you their target as well. They have a sadistic satisfaction in seeing others suffer. On the one hand they still want me to pay for my betrayal and on the other… well, I’m pretty sure that they want to see you suffer, probably in more than just one way. They probably want to see you suffer on an emotional level by showing you pictures of your loved ones being tortured. They probably want you to feel physical pain as well as a punishment, that you let me in your life. As Dumbledore said, our main priority should be to stay safe." 

You were listening closely, fear growing in you, not being able to say at first why as you were not afraid for your own life. You couldn’t grasp it at first until it finally hit you. You couldn’t hide the slight shaking of your body and the fear in your voice as you whispered: "My family… I… he’s not going to harm them, is he?” Roman shook his head although you could tell, that he was not absolutely honest with you, trying to calm you down by saying: “No, I’m making sure that nothing happens to them.” You shifted closer to him, burying your face in his broad chest, wrapping your hands around his torso. Roman was holding you close, not saying a word for what felt like an eternity. You could hear some whispered words in the background but you couldn’t care less as you tried to calm down, tried to fight back the fear, that had overcome you as you were picturing your family being tortured. You could hear Roman’s whispered voice, a deep sadness in it, as he said: “Baby, I don’t want to get you or your family harmed. I don’t want you to fear for them. I want to keep all of you safe. So maybe we should just forget about us, maybe…" 

Before he could continue, you interrupted him as you looked up at him, holding his gaze, saying whole heartedly: "Don’t you dare to continue that sentence. I love you and I’m not willing to let you go, no matter how scared I might be. I’m trusting you that we’re finding a way to keep them save but not being with you is not an option. You understand me?” It hurt you to see that stubborn man so vulnerable and yet it made you love him even more. You could tell, that he was trapped in an inner fight, that he wanted to toss you away for your and your family’s sake and at the same time he wanted to keep you as close as somehow possible. 

As soon as you saw him nodding his head, you let out a small sigh of relief, promising yourself, that you would make this work, that all of you would be safe, no matter what. “I won’t let anything happen to you or your loved ones.”, he mumbled as you gave him a tiny smile, whispering: “I know. And you better make sure that nothing will happen to you either.” You realized that by now you and him were the only ones on that floor, continuing with your way to his apartment. As soon as you reached it, you sat down to discuss everything, that had happened that evening and before you could think twice, you were falling asleep in his arms, a dreamless sleep overwhelming you. 

The next days were rather unspectacular. You had spent more times in Roman’s apartment than in your own dorm and although there were a few nasty looks and comments here and there, all in all no-one dared to talk behind your back about your relationship to your professor. Even your ex-boyfriend, who had not been sent off university but had to do some social work instead to pay for what he had done, stayed in his place, shooting you some deathly glares here and there but that was about it. Roman made sure, that he and you had enough time for yourselves whenever you were alone although he never forgot Dumbledore’s plea to teach you occlumency. And since he had sentenced you to detention each Friday quite some time ago, he made sure to use that time wisely by letting you know everything you had to know to master that task. 

You were aware that it was not easy, but you would have never expected it to be that hard to lock your mind, to build a wall around it, to lock everything and everyone out. It was only your third session and although you were actually pretty good with learning new things and adapting to them, you had the impression, that you would never be able to learn occlumency. You stood on the opposite site of Roman, a pile of pillows on the floor behind you, in case you should get dizzy and fall down like you had done before. “You need to concentrate”, Roman said seriously, sounding more like his usual professor self than your boyfriend, as you snapped: “What do you think I’m doing? Counting sheep and daydreaming? I try to concentrate but my head hurts and I’m feeling absolutely exposed." 

You didn’t have any secrets from him, of course not, and you were not afraid to let him enter your mind, but it made you extremely vulnerable, realizing that Roman could read every single thought, that he could see every single memory if he really wanted to. And although he tried not to do so, he had stumbled over a few of them already. He had seen how you bawled your eyes out when you were a kid as you lost your parents for a few moments at a crowded fair, fearing that you might never seen them again. He had seen how embarrassed you felt when a pack of tampons flew out of your school bag in the middle of the class room at the beginning of your puberty. He had seen how you got into a fist fight during one of your vacations when you were in your teenage years and someone dared to make fun of your friend. 

Of course, you were not ashamed that he knew about it, you didn’t even mind him knowing, but it just showed you how accessible your memories and thoughts were. How easy it was to get to them if he wasn’t even trying it particularly but more or less just stumbled into them. And it made you panicky as you realized what kind of damage could be done if someone like Voldemort or one of his death eaters really entered your mind with full purpose. "Voldemort does not care whether your head hurts. He won’t wait until you’re rested and wait for him to enter your mind. He wants you to be exposed, wants to see what’s going on in your head, wants to mess with your memories until you are a broken mess.”, Roman stated, his voice louder than before. You knew that he just meant well, that he wanted to push you to give your best, to learn it as fast as possible so you could protect your mind but you felt as if he was pushing you into the wrong direction. “For fuck’s sake, Ro, I know it. I know all of that. Do you really think, that it is fun for me not being able to use it? Do you really think the thought of this bastard entering my mind isn’t scary for me?”, you snapped back at him. You knew, that you should stay calm, knew that he had to mess with your emotions if he wanted to you to learn it the best you could and nevertheless you fell for it, feeling unarmed when you heard his sharp: “Legilimens” You tried to close your mind, tried to lock him out, but you couldn’t. 


End file.
